[lifesbs1]

Hi Everyone...I'm new to the forum. I don't like to burden anyone with my problems so that I thought I would vent right here.

I love my fiance a lot. Aside from what I am about to say, he has many wonderful qualities...otherwise, I wouldn't stick around. There is nothing in the world I wouldn't do for him, but emotionally, he is sucking the life out of me. He went through a horrible divorce almost 20 years ago and I am almost certain he still has "issues" from that. He requires constant reassurance and is highly sensitive to any criticism even if it's constructive. When there are no problems, everything is great, but if I need to raise an issue about him personally, he becomes defensive and starts blaming me. It's always something I am doing that causes him to react a certain way. I don't get it. When I make mistakes, I own up to it and I apologize...I don't try to make excuses. I feel like I have to walk on ****ing eggshells.

We are supposed to be buying a house together, but I found out he is in the process of doing it without me. He hasn't told me about it so I am like "WTF?" I'm really sad and I feel emotionally beaten down. I have put in some much into this relationship (and he has too), but I have my limits. I am really at a low point in my life, but I am now taking steps to help myself get through this.

Thanks for reading. I will be praying for everyone on this board.

Take care.

[Perna]

Hi, lifesbs1, welcome to PsychCentral (PC).

I'm sorry you have such communication problems with your boyfriend. I couldn't imagine what wonderful qualities he has that would make up for his not taking responsibility for his own actions and for buying a house without your input? Maybe he's not the one for you.

[Leed]

Hi ~ I lived for 26 years with a verbally abusive man who would not take ANY responsibility for his actions ~ he wouldn't even apologize when he hit me. Nothing was HIS fault ~ he blamed me for EVERY single thing that happened. I stayed with him out of fear. I was so terribly naive that I believed his threats.

No, you don't have the same scenario, but he IS abusing you with his verbal abuse. And if he's buying a HOME - a HOME that the BOTH of you are supposed to SHARE -- and he's doing it without your knowledge or input --- then you're not going to have much say in anything else either. I'd pack my bags and get out. He doesn't care about what you have to say. He doesn't care about your opinion. He won't care one little bit if you HATE that house.

There are going to be much more serious issues that come up and HE'S going to make the decision -- not you. You won't even be ASKED for an opinion. Do you want to live like this? You have a dictator in the house. Not a partner. That's not what I would want.

I'd get out -- and fast. Find someone who would SHARE things with you -- not take over. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee