I fell for this guy in High School but was to shy to show it so nothing ever came of it. After High School I married the first guy who paid attention to me, I was still very backward, shy and had no clue about how a relationship worked between a man and a woman. In fact I was still a virgin when we started seeing each other. I don't think I ever really loved this man he was just a way out of my parents house. After a couple of years into the marriage I knew this wasn't what I wanted so I left him, moved back home for a time before I got my own place. Shortly after I moved out on my own I got a job at a place where the guy I had such a crush on in High School worked also. He was married and had a young son. We spent a lot of time together due to our work and talked a lot. He told me that he had a crush on me in High School also, that he wasn't happy with his marriage, that he married her because she got pregnant while they were dating and he wanted to do the right thing so he married her but he was very unhappy and wanted out. He said all they did was fight. It was during one of these many fights that she stabbed him in the chest. He moved out after this and filed for a divorce. So one thing led to another and we started seeing each other. We dated for almost two years (and they were two of the happiest years of my life, I learned what it truly felt like to be in love.) He went into the army and something happened why he was away at basic training because the next thing I knew I was getting a letter in the mail telling me he had heard threw people I had been out seeing other men and doing all manner of bad things so he and the ex were getting back together and trying to mend there marriage and make a family for there son. Needless to say I was devastated. But I let him go, who was I to stand in the way of his happiness or put myself and my needs before that of his son. The next two years were hell for me, my life became a downward spiral. Drinking, drugs and many men. I did anything to forget the pain for just a little while. Had many one night stands and a few really screwed up relationships during this time. Fast forward several years and a marriage later and I met a man whom I thought was finally the one, who I could spend the rest of my life with and finally forget this man I had loved so so deeply. It was great the first year but after that it to went down hill. We stayed together nine years he and I but it was a far from happy nine years. I felt like I was at the end of my rope towards the end and I was just looking for a way out and what do you know the man whom I would say was the love of my life the man I could never get over walked back into my life. One day I looked up and there he was. We started talking again and it was just like old times. He was still married to the same woman but they had been split up for more than six years. He told me that he still loved me and that he always had. He said his biggest mistake was ever letting me go and the one thing he could never forgive himself for was hurting me the way he had. He is a wonderful man, very loving and caring. He gave me the strength to end the relationship I was in and to move on. We have been together for two and a half years now and for the most part they have been a wonderful two and a half years. We live together and are planning to get married when his divorce is finale. But here is the thing, I am having such a hard time trusting him. When she calls it almost makes me sick and she is always calling for money or something else. He always tells me when she has called or tells me what she wants so he is very honest about that. If he has to go by her house he always lets me know. But here recently I have been having a big issue with a friendship he has with an ex girlfriend he had when they first split. She is a really nice girl, I have met her threw the place I work now, she works there also. They have been texting each other and there have been a few phone calls. He doesn't always tell me about these but I find out. Then I get mad at him or hurt and feel like he is keeping things from me which to me is the same as telling a lie. I find myself more and more depressed all the time. I have everything I have ever wanted but why can't I trust him, or why won't I let myself trust him. I want nothing more than to be with him. Whats wrong with me?
May 27, 2011, 04:02 PM
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.
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