[XxPrObLeMxcHiLdxX]

I feel like im falling and no ones bothering to help me. I don't know how i feel or what to keep its just blah. Im so tired i have so much work and idk im just so over welmed.He just expects me to be able to open up to him like he can open up to me. He says he understands Im a very gaurdered person. I just get so fustrated, I don't know how or what to tell him half the time. And then I get anngry and I "fly off the handle". Were not even going out I don't get why he ****ing cares so much. Its just a hook as he says, but then i'll hold it against him and he denys it saying were just good friends, who happen to make out...*sigh* Hes a good guy but I taking something so great and Im turning it around bad. He can barely talk to me at this point, and this is second time "ive ended things with us" (i gave him back his sweatshirt, that i wear all the time). Ive tried explaining things, but he goes on saying he doesnt need this, he needs someone who can open up to him like he opens up to them. I have done so much for him and, i dont even know anymore. what am i supposed to do anymore. nothings making sence. i know im just ranting but im just so fustrated and confused. I just wish he understood how i felt but i dont even know how i feel and im jsut so overwellemed, i feel alseep crying last night. i cant even get out of bed. I feel so numb, like all i can do is feel regret and cry.The only reason i was afraid to tell him anything was i was afraid of being judged. everytime he asked me if i was feeling okay or if something was wrong i would just say i was fine and he told me he didnt beleive me but i just ignored it and flashed him and smile and continued as we went.
I don't know anymore, im just so tired and emontionaly drained. I know im ranting i just want someone to hear me. Please.

[shezbut]

~ Gentle hugs to you ~

Do you have a therapist? If not, perhaps you can start there.

I do understand mood swings, confusion, bottling up experiences & the emotions connected with them, etc. Been there, done that myself.

I don't know what troubles you've run into in your past. Things that have made you feel emotionally inhibited sometimes & other times over-reactive. But, it seems to me that these things are needing to be talked about with a professional. (You are welcome to bring them up here and get our input, but I'm not a professional.)

[Leed]

Hi ~ Shezbut is right. It would be good to talk to a therapist. I remember a time when I felt exactly like you do. I was so TOTALLY mixed up -- I knew something was bothering me, but I wasn't sure what it was ~ but I didn't trust anyone enough to tell them. So I just kept everything bottled up in my head ~ and that made me almost crazy! Then a day came when I just couldn't stand it anymore, and I went to my doctor ~ he knew things were really confused for me, so he called another doctor - a psychiatrist ~ I went to see her, and she put me in the hospital THAT DAY!! I stayed for 2 weeks, and had daily sessions with her. That was the best thing I could have done because I was having a nervous breakdown.

I'm not saying that's what YOU are having -- but you DO need to see a therapist. You need to talk to SOMEONE. Don't keep this bottled up. I wish you the very best. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[XxPrObLeMxcHiLdxX]

I fell apart at school today, after talking it all out I realized Im over stressed and just over wellmed and I need to take a breather for a while. I finally have come to terms in how he is to much drama for me to handle and that I need some time to collect myself first. I have to much going on in my life to focus on other people and let there drama weigh me down. I'm gonna try and help myself for a little why, put myself back together. For now Im just gonna focus on my happiness and my school work. :]
Money is tight I can't actually see someone other then at school but I never feel super okay with it. I also don't believe in psychology...