[Jenn1fer82]

I'm living with this guilt that I punish myself. I am always afraid that this secret of mine will be revealed and my bf would never see me the same way ever again. This secret put me in shame with every bone in my body. How do I move forward when telling the whole story is not an option because it will only make things a total mess. I've expressed to him only the partial truth but he doesn't know the entire story. I talk in my sleep and I am so scared that one day the truth will be told in my sleep. Im scared that I'll run into someone that will force me to tell him the actual story. The incident should never had happened but it did and now I have to live with myself. This guilt is eating me up inside.

[cautious hope]

Jenn, I feel almost certain that you need to tell someone safe what happened. Even if you made a mistake, a therapist will help you see why you behave the way you did. I could tell you many things I have done that caused me great shame until I was able to see the underlying issue that I was trying to work out. You are a child of our Creator, brave enough to find your way here for help. You are a warrior and a survivor so far. It's time to treat yourself to a sympathetic ear. THEN you can decide what info you want your boyfriend to know.
Condier this quote, can't remember where I heard it; No man (or woman in this case) can be defined solely by the worst action he/she has commited.

[madisgram]

i like cautious's reply, jen. we all make bad judgement sometimes. none of us are perfect in that regard or anything else in life. do speak with someone you totally trust or your T. either can also give you suggestions irl of how you can resolve this guilt you have.
i am in recovery from alcoholism. they offer a suggestion to us...we "take a moral inventory of ourselves" (which you have done), it's one of 12 steps toward being a better person. another step after that one says "we make amends to the person we have harmed" ORand this i believe applies to you..except when to do so would harm/hurt that person or others. there are ways to overcome the guilt if it would hurt a person by telling them we are truly sorry bout what we did wrong. one way is to resolve to make amends by trying to become a better person re what we did. like not repeat the same mistake. it can resolve your guilt by doing so. this way of resolving guilt by things i do wrong leads me in a healthy way of righting a wrong.
i hope that perhaps my comments may help.