[Kashia]

Thank you for reading my post.

Basically....some members of my family are going through difficult situations right now.

There is a dynamic going on I do not know how to change or what to say.

When one person is going through a very difficult situation that involves legal

matters ,and another person- (that knows nothing about the law, nor the day

to day details of what is occurring and basically is not involved at all)

severely minimalizes the gravity of the situation and then begins

being really angry and yelling "stupid" and "crazy" and why are you so "over

reactive, you are f...... crazy" ........how can I bring closure to this.

I know these reactions have there basis in love and hating to see their family suffer.

But it also is a "know it all" attitude, when they know little....

And very very judgmental.

All attempts to not discuss or involve those not involved are being made.

Still, these outbursts occur even if nothing is said, just if our "energy" seems

off. Like they now have the knowledge to read minds and get angry for

what they assume....

I know it is based in love and feeling helpless....but perhaps I can

somehow say something or bring to light with the right words- to stop

the judgmental hurtful things being said, and perhaps encourage them

to non-apologetically step back, even with opinions, because it is hurt on top

of hurt here.

maybe not explaining this clearly enough, but hope someone gets what I am

saying and can give a helpful reply.

peace and thank you

[Leed]

Well, I would say something to the effect of "Since you can't possibly know the details of this situation, I'd really appreciate it if you would NOT say anything at ALL." And you'd have to say it with conviction! Or you could use the age-old "If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Pretty cliche' but it gets the point across. LOL

Or - "Your attempts at making me feel stupd are not working ~ therefore, kindly keep your mouth shut!" LOL

Or - "Your manners and language are appalling ~ I have more problems than having to give you a lesson in etiquette."

Or ~ "Since you seem to think you know all about this issue ~ may I see your license to practice law?"

Just a few little comebacks. You may not want to use any - but it gives you an idea what you might want to say. LOL You've got to shut them up somehow. Whether or not you want to use sarcasm or wit is up to you. Best of luck - it does sound difficult. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[lastyearisblank]

If you can stomach listening to the criticism, I have found that it helps to just say, "yes.... and?" "yes... and?" Pretend you are practicing active listening skills but don't actually listen, and don't give anything back in return. Then when they're done, just say "thanks."

[Kashia]

both replies helpful, thank you!

[Omers]

Another one you may want to try when they have a really strong opinion or belief that doesn't make sense is to ask them why it is important to them. Not in a judgmental way but in a kinda curious tone (even if you don't care and are not listening). It sounds like what ever is going on is bringing up something for this person other than what they are going off about... some kind of old memory. Often we don't even know we are displacing our feelings. Asking what is important about _____ helps us stop and think.