[Ryan]

Many of you know that for a long time I was in a place where I had no family and no friends anywhere near me. You guys also know that I have moved back home where I grew up. Here I have many people around that care greatly. Obviously my family, but I've got several very long time friends here. People I've been friends with since junior high and high school. What I've noticed is that sometimes I'm not comfortable around these people. I mean, these are the people who know my most intimate secrets and yet I find myself once in a while making excuses as to why I can't come out with them or why I need to go home early. My group of friends is one that likes to spend a lot of time together... kinds like the TV show Friends. I'm the one apple that tends to be alone a lot though and through no fault of theirs. I get a call or a text almost daily from one or more of them asking if I'd like to do something... even if it's just to come over and watch T V. Good people they are. I've noticed that as time goes on, I find myself making excuses less and less but it still bothers me. And I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I was forced to spend som uch time alone when I was in Michigan. I have to say that these people are great. They all know what I've been through... illnesses, abuse, relationships, etc. They never get their feelings hurt when I brush them off. They just give me space and let me come around when I'm ok with it. When I miss a "gathering", I usually get a phone call just to check on me. And they always let me know thet I'm welcome when I'm up to it. I just feel badly because even though they are so wonderful to me, I sometimes keep them at arms length. I don't really know what I'm getting at here. Just had some thought on my mind that I wanted to share. Thanks for reading.

Ry

[mrb020377]

You have alot happen in the past year. You have moved. You have to give it time to settle down... I think that once that happens you will be ok... You went from not many friends or family to being overwhlemed with them. Sometimes too much is just as bad as not enough...

(((ry))))

[jmo531]

I agree Ryan. You have been through alot this past year. In addition, it's almost as if you have to get re-aquainted with these friends because it has been a while since you have hung out with them. IMO just give yourself some time. Settle in a bit.

Love ya

Jen

[BlueFaith]

I also agree with them. Just give yourself some time. Sounds like you have some wonderful friends who will understand no matter what.

It sounds like you got some really good people on your side, Ryan. I think they'll understand. If you're worried though then send them each a card or a letter explaining how much you really appreciate them.
That will help to make you feel less guilty and let them know in turn how much you care about them.

[Ryan]

Thanks for the advise guys. I just spent the evening with one of my friends and had an awesome time. I met him up at one of our local bars around 11 while waiting on another friend who was detained and we got to talking about stuff. Just stuff. Nothing important. The friend we were waiting on was incredibly late and before we knew it, the bar was closing. So we decided to finish our convo over coffee at IHOP and talked for another couple hours. I haven't had people to talk to like this in so long. It is so great to feel accepted again. I had forgotten what this feels like. Thanks everyone.

Ry

[Myzen]

Hi Ryan,

IMHO the real stuff goes on inside us.

Being accepted is very easy - when it happens - and when we let it happen. It is not being accepted and not allowing ourselves to be accepted that is hard, as so many of us here know only too well.

Cheers, M

Jen, Another good graphic! I could look forward to seeing your posts just for the graphics --and then I think of the kindness which is always in your words.

[willsterino]

hi ryan

I like people, generally, but i really like my own company, and i look forward to spending time, a couple of days or more a week just being with me. it's natural to want to be with people and its natural to want to not. it's ok to not want to be with everyone all of the time. you may naturally be the type of person who likes to spend a bit more time, not in the herd. if i don't get time on my own, i get overwhelmed by others energies and focusses, i need time to be with me, just to get my breath with me.

its really nice that they love you and connect with you, are you scared that if you don't respond every time they will cease to check in with you. it is a fear, they sound ok, it's a hard balance to get, being on your own and being with others.

your needs against the group needs. for myself, i thought, as long as i can phone them too it'll be ok. i can take this time, i don't need to be constantly there to be validated. i'm starting to ramble so i hope that this helps, it just felt close to my heart, this dilemma.

willsterino