He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not?

I seriously think my life is that game where you hold a flower and pick off the petals one by one saying "he loves me, he loves me not." When you're down to the last petal, it will tell you the answer. Of course, if it tells you the wrong answer, you immediatly pick a new flower and try again till it tells you the answer you want.

For the past year and a half I've fallen for a guy who I am lucky enough to see once or twice a month. I have a bad habit of throwing myself into deep, thought consuming crushes. It is as if all of my motivations are geared to capturing that certain someone and forming a relationship with them. I can count about 5 crushes and they never work out. Usually I end up telling the guy how I feel, like a responsible person, only to be avoided, rejected or given a run around with a side dish of hope.

I have asked this guy out to baseball games, out to a bar, all kinds of stuff. He always says yes and then when it is time to hang out he has an excuse. Usually it is work related. He is in between jobs so he has been working a variety of jobs with odd hours. All of his excuses always seem legit. It could be my denile or it could be that I just believe him.

He has even invited himself to events in my life and asked me out a few times to do things but always ALWAYS something comes up. To the normal person, they would believe that it just isn't meant to be. I've been told to stop being desperate and stop lusting after someone who clearly doesn't respect me enough to give me the time of day. As soon as I start to get over him, he does something to reel me right back to his side.

We have NEVER hung out outside of my job. (He volunteers once a week at my work). He never calls me or initates text messages, e-mails...etc. So clearly he isn't that into me.

However when he touches my arm or compliments me on my writing or invites me to an event which will obviously be cancelled due to his work, I can't help but melt into a pathetic puddle. Additionally, everytime we talk he mentions how he is trying to get a stable 9 to 5 job. He is always consumed with getting himself situated and reminds me that EVERY time we see each other (at my work.)

It could be three things:
1) he sees me as a friend whom he can confide in about his most pressing issues in his life.

2) he is inadvertently telling me that he is trying to get himself situated before he can focus on something or SOMEONE else

3) he is trying to see if these things matter to me. He is ashamed that he has a college education but not a stable job. So he brings it up all the time to see my reaction. (which is usually just supportive)

While I've had intense dead end crushes, I have never felt so much like myself around someone before. I just feel comfortable around him, and never worry about what I look like or if what I'll say sounds stupid. But I can't bring myself to tell him my intentions because it has always ended in earth shattering heartbreak and akwardness before.

Any tips on how to ween myself off of this going nowhere and potentially self-damaging crush?

To heck with weening. Go cold turkey. Don't ask this guy out again. Refuse if he asks you out. You can do it nicely, but refuse. I think you probably "can be yourself" with him because you know in your heart of hearts he isn't serious about you. I'd make myself scarce on those days he had to be at my workplace for good measure.

I agree - I think I would just hide somewhere when he shows up at work. Just don't be around. If he asks someone about you, tell them to tell HIM that you're not there. Don't be available to him anymore. He's just going to keep hurting you, so stay away.

Someone will come along who DESERVES you. This guy doesn't. You're a nice person - hold out for a nice guy who respects you. God bless. Hugs, Lee