[lexie86]

So i have an ex boyfriend, i guess you could call him that i love him alot! Anyway we started of as good friends and things went from there. However, he decided to go back to his wife who he was separated from, they have three kids together etc. Though while he said they were not together they were just trying to work things out, she said differently so im confused about this,as he would still talk to me and be with me physically even though we were not a "couple". Though he did not consider this cheating
Anyway when he first went back to her it was after he attented court he was in alot of trouble and could have went to jail but she saved him and had the avo removed so he could see his kids, saying what an amazing man father, husband he was and she loved him alot. The whole time that he was stressing over going to jail i supported him etc, made myself sick over worrying about him. After the first court case he went straight back to her house and did not even let me know how he went at court , for all i know he could have went to jail. He stayed with her that night and the day after he dumped me over the phone, and stayed with her again the next night, i did not know that at the time he told me later, though we live pretty much next door to one another (alkies). Any how after he dumped me over the phone i tried to take my own life, i was pregnant at the time, but miscarried, he did not know, but i told him later, as he had been dodging my calls, so i never had the chance to tell him, because it was always about him. When i was in the hospital he did not try and contact me nothing, even when i told him i was pregnant. ( i may have said something nasty like i did not want a child tainted by him etc).

Later on in the week he met up with me, and said he did not know if he had made the right choice choosing to try and make things work out with his wife, she came over too and they had a confrontation of which he told her he loved us both etc. she did know we were meeting up, but it was only suppose to be for thirty minutes he was not allowed to offer me a drink, and i was to take a preganancy test that they had both brought for me . She later said that she hoped i was pregnant and that if we did have kids that they were deformed/ disabled. ( my niece died of a rare genetic disorder, and my aunt has downs, so this for me crossed the line)
Later that night he said eh wanted to be with me, and stypid me i believed it. However, a few days later he gave me thirty whole minutes of his time and said he changed his mind again, ( I know how stypid i sound. After this he made like a huge deal of me still talking to him and being friends etc, and there was this day when i was really down as i suffer from depression and said that if he could just check in with me every now and then because i was scared etc, well he pretty much did the opposite he just simply stopped talking to me at all for like two weeks. his reason being he was really confused and could nopt take the pressure anymore form both me and his wife. Though it was just me he stopped talking too.

Anyway he and his wife i would say have an absive relationship, not physically hitting one another, though probably sometimes, but intimitaion, death threats etc, dangerous driving and behaviour around the kids etc.
Anyway just recently he got arrested for breaking his AVO which was not to intimiate cause fear against her, they both were bumbing tinto each otehr cars, she nearly flipped the car almost killing herslef and the kids etc. so now he once again his facing charges.

And here i am stypid me still being his friend and supporting him, and all the while it still the same he only contact me when he wants to, wont return my texts, etc, i make an effort to call his family to make sure he was alright when he first got arrested and had to spnd a night in jail, plus he was hurt after the police hit him for resisting arrest. and im still there i would probably do anything for him. And im afraid that after all this when she comes to his rescue again he will just do what he did before and forgot all about me, i scared that im leaving myself open to be hurt, as when his life suxs and they are fighting he talks to me when its all better, i dont matter. im always there for him, but he is never there for me. And im scared that once again once this is all said and done he do excatly the smae thing and ill be left heartbrojken, after all i have done is care aboiut him and support him, and love him.

what is wrong with me, and what is his game?

[Justme_55]

My best advice to you, having been in the almost exact situation only I am the one who cheated would be for you to CUT all TIES. It's an extremely hard position for all party's involved, the fact that they wanted you to take a pregnancy test in front of them and her nasty comments would have been enough, let alone the yo yo you have been for him. It takes two for that abuse to continue seperated married or not. He seems like a very dangerous individual ( my ex was very abusive and treated me like a door mat, car games included, going outside of my marriage was not a wise decision at the time and I make no excuses, I wanted to be treated how I thought I deserved to be.) you are human and you fell in love with a married man, I have no doubt he does care about you but the best thing for you is mourn this as an actual break up, do not contact him, If he contacts you make it clear you care for him but can no longer be a friend, lover or second choice and to not contact you. The person I was involved with was not a second choice and slowly over time because I was not divorced he became verbally abusive and vindictive, I still care for him but being alone & working on myself is best for all party's. It's going to take alot of time and strength to make it through this, I myself have slipped and contacted the other party having a weak moment in which I get ignored and it's for the best, he strangely was ALOT like the man I had already married (whoops) day at a time, be willing to heal, be angry, cry and as I said work through this. He is already abusive towards her, over time had you gotten the man you wanted you could be in the same position his wife is/has been, which when one sees all good the other holds does not break the cycle of abuse. You need to be willing to want more for yourself and you're future relationships. please private message me if you need anything, I promise you can make it through this. Hugs.