Are long distance relationships ok?

Jan 27, 2011, 03:31 PM

I'm in a relationship. I'm from England and my boyfriend is from Florida, USA. We've been together for around about a month. Are long distance relationships okay? He loves me very much and I love him too. I remember I was talking to a friend. She asked where he was from and I said america and she goes "so your not going to meet him" and I go maybe some day. I hate it when people think long distance relationships don't work or "i have to be careful". I know who my boyfriend is. I've seen him on webcam. He loves me for real. Any advice?

sundog · Jan 27, 2011, 04:15 PM

Hi EmoGirl! I'm from England too. And my husband is from California. We met online while I was still living in London. After a while we met "for real". And then, after another while, we got married and I moved over to California! That was almost 10 years ago now and we still love each other!!

Long distance relationships definitely have their own special set of challenges, but they can work out. I do think it's essential to meet face to face and I hope that's a possibility for you guys. In the meantime, it's wonderful you've found someone who you love and who loves you back. I wish you both all the very best!

marjan · Jan 27, 2011, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EmoGirl

I'm in a relationship. I'm from England and my boyfriend is from Florida, USA. We've been together for around about a month. Are long distance relationships okay? He loves me very much and I love him too. I remember I was talking to a friend. She asked where he was from and I said america and she goes "so your not going to meet him" and I go maybe some day. I hate it when people think long distance relationships don't work or "i have to be careful". I know who my boyfriend is. I've seen him on webcam. He loves me for real. Any advice?

It never worked for me...twice I've been in that road...we can't deny the fact that we are human with needs....we need that touch and company....plus, people are always nice when they are away.....
However, you may over come all the obstacles....good luck...

AAAAA · Jan 27, 2011, 04:22 PM

I think this really depends upon what your definition of a relationship is and what you expect out of this specific relationship.

I have seen success stories; my husband and have been married for over 25 years and we were separated for almost two years before we were married. The internet successes that I know of the miles were measured in hundreds rather than thousands. Face to face visits were an important part of those romances.

If you’re looking for a companion to spend free time with, this relationship may be fulfilling for you. If you’re looking for romance, sorry but I’m a doubter. Even though I knew my husband virtually my whole life before he left for boot camp, the relationship we had during that period was 90% fantasy. What’s not to love in a long distance romance you get the good none of the bad?

What would happen if you were to find someone in real life that is interested in you? Would you refuse to see them because of this ideal person that you have created? No one in real life could ever compare with someone that you can turn off when you are not in the mood, or not deal with the every day annoyances that occur with all couples. Right now whenever he is emotionally unavailable for you, he has an undisputable excuse… whether or not he would live up to those needs irl. Under the best circumstances a long distance relationship has serious limitations.

Jan 27, 2011, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AAAAA

I think this really depends upon what your definition of a relationship is and what you expect out of this specific relationship.

I have seen success stories; my husband and have been married for over 25 years and we were separated for almost two years before we were married. The internet successes that I know of the miles were measured in hundreds rather than thousands. Face to face visits were an important part of those romances.

If you’re looking for a companion to spend free time with, this relationship may be fulfilling for you. If you’re looking for romance, sorry but I’m a doubter. Even though I knew my husband virtually my whole life before he left for boot camp, the relationship we had during that period was 90% fantasy. What’s not to love in a long distance romance you get the good none of the bad?

What would happen if you were to find someone in real life that is interested in you? Would you refuse to see them because of this ideal person that you have created? No one in real life could ever compare with someone that you can turn off when you are not in the mood, or not deal with the every day annoyances that occur with all couples. Right now whenever he is emotionally unavailable for you, he has an undisputable excuse… whether or not he would live up to those needs irl. Under the best circumstances a long distance relationship has serious limitations.

No one loves me in real life. I'm too ugly.

AAAAA · Jan 27, 2011, 04:46 PM

My darling girl… until you love yourself noone else can love you.

Jan 27, 2011, 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AAAAA

My darling girl… until you love yourself noone else can love you.

True....

Jan 27, 2011, 05:09 PM

Thank you for the advice

Jan 27, 2011, 05:54 PM

As a reply to your first post here,I thought the same thing.If you think you're the only one this guy chats....you may be right....but the weight hangs on the wrong side.I fell for that.I guarantee atm he is(this person I refer to) multi-dating at least 4 females on the web.None of them are the wiser.I sensed it...the more I thought,and mentioned,the more he lied.He pursues the weak and hurting.He's a predator.I am intuitive and I knew my heart spoke the truth...just didn't listen.I am soooo grateful I am over that pathetic nonsense.Karma's a b..ch tho'~W~By the way...ugly is a subjective word because it is a matter of opinion.There are sooo many opinions out there.Whatever you "look" like,I bet you have a heart with love to give inside,and I believe there are many irl who would love to engage you for that reason.Have faith!

Jan 27, 2011, 05:59 PM

(((((((Sundog)))))....SO happy to hear that.But I am sure he is a very very lucky man!~W~

Don't touch me · Jan 27, 2011, 07:19 PM

I had one, but left him because I thought he was lying to me, but he wasn't.
I think that they are okay, it's just quite easy to be ignored.

distancedistressed · Jan 27, 2011, 08:02 PM

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a year and a half now... a year of it being long distance. I have been very happy with my girlfriend.... there are bad times that her parents seem to always interfere with, but we always find a way to talk. I have loved no one else ever since I met this girl, and there's no doubt in my mind that she's been truthful to me too. As long as you completely trust your boyfriend and keep hope, then I'm sure everything will work out between you two. Don't listen to your friends if they try to get you down, and if you think you're ugly, and you're worried about it... then maybe your boyfriend isn't the one if he judges you like that. But, I think you'll be fine, Just keep faith and have hope. [:

Jan 27, 2011, 08:22 PM

Happy for you ((((Distanced)))))~W~

Jan 31, 2011, 02:11 AM

Thanks for all your help

John25 · Jan 31, 2011, 03:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AAAAA

Even though I knew my husband virtually my whole life before he left for boot camp, the relationship we had during that period was 90% fantasy. What’s not to love in a long distance romance you get the good none of the bad?
Under the best circumstances a long distance relationship has serious limitations.

RomanSunburn · Feb 01, 2011, 04:58 PM

I guess I just have trouble understanding the line of thought that long distance relationship are all the good without the bad... I was in a long distance relationship for about four years (we now live together and are engaged). There were plenty of times we came close to breaking up, and we did break up once after we had been dating for a year. I think if both people in the relationship are open and honest and keep their lines of communication open, then there truly is the good and the bad, just like any relationship. The reason my fiance broke up with me several years ago was because he only wanted the good and none of the bad and he didn't feel like he could take care of me from so far away. He realized that in any relationship you can't have just one or the other and that simply being supportive and there for me to talk to about, yes, the good and the bad (especially since I was fairly recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety before we started dating) he was taking care of me. Every relationship will have ups and downs; we are not in the movies.

Also, some people will tell you that most long distance relationships fails. Well, most relationships, long distance or not, do not end in marriage. Think about it, how many ex's does the average person have? And hey, is it really a failure if you were able to learn and grow from the experience after all is said and done?

So, my advice to you, is to first learn to love yourself for who you are. And in regards to your relationship, as long as you are both completely honest and open, and have a plan to meet at some point, I believe you can make this work long term. Trust yourself and always go with your gut feelings about things.

Amoslass · Feb 02, 2011, 03:15 AM

AH...long distance relationships!

Well, my brother is Australian, and his wonderful wife is from Blackpool, England.The've been married for...oops, can't remember..5 years? And have 2 gorgeous kids. So, that long distance relationship seems to have worked out.

I met my girlfriend online and she moved from the other side of Australia to be with me (Australia is so big, it might as well have been another country!)
And, as may be gather from other posts, that relationship is shakey, so, I don't know how long it will last.

I guess it's just a matter of chance, really.

Feb 02, 2011, 03:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amoslass

AH...long distance relationships!

Well, my brother is Australian, and his wonderful wife is from Blackpool, England.The've been married for...oops, can't remember..5 years? And have 2 gorgeous kids. So, that long distance relationship seems to have worked out.

I met my girlfriend online and she moved from the other side of Australia to be with me (Australia is so big, it might as well have been another country!)
And, as may be gather from other posts, that relationship is shakey, so, I don't know how long it will last.

I guess it's just a matter of chance, really.

Yup thanks

sarek · Feb 02, 2011, 05:52 AM

Here I am again. I suppose we have a few things in common.

As I mentioned in another thread, I am in a long distance relationship myself, although not all that far away from each other. I am from the Netherlands and she lives in London. Although we have not been able to meet many times yet because of her mental health situation.

I can assure you that the love is just as real. When we were talking and mailing and messaging we built this mental image of each other. And guess what, when we met for the first time it was exactly as we thought it would be. She was 100% the person I thought she would be.

Maybe it is significant that both me and my gf are iNtuitives in the MBTI defintion. We don't always need to see or touch someone first to get an idea of who they are.

Feb 02, 2011, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarek

Here I am again. I suppose we have a few things in common.

As I mentioned in another thread, I am in a long distance relationship myself, although not all that far away from each other. I am from the Netherlands and she lives in London. Although we have not been able to meet many times yet because of her mental health situation.

I can assure you that the love is just as real. When we were talking and mailing and messaging we built this mental image of each other. And guess what, when we met for the first time it was exactly as we thought it would be. She was 100% the person I thought she would be.

Maybe it is significant that both me and my gf are iNtuitives in the MBTI defintion. We don't always need to see or touch someone first to get an idea of who they are.

Thanks for your help

Mar 06, 2011, 07:47 AM

Update: My "boyfriend" and I aren't together any more. I broke up with him ages ago though. I didn't have feelings for him any more. I wanted to be free from the paranoia thoughts and this is a note to myself, I realised don't go out with a boy who may still be in a relationship. I'm single and free from from all of the stress. I'm happier now.