[fonseca1]

Most of my life, I've been betrayed, hurt and abused by people who are supposed to love me, so it's always been extremely hard for me to trust people. and when it seems that its okay to trust someone and i put my all into it, i get hurt again.
I don't know what to do...my fiance and i have been together almost two years now and we've known each other for nearly 5. i have caught him looking at porn and found pornographic information on his phone and other websites multiple times. he never has the gall to admit anything either until i actually catch him with the porn playing in front of him. on top of that, when he and i first got together, he cheated on me. we split up for over a year to figure out what we truly wanted, we got back together and we've been together ever since.
unfortunately, no matter how hard i try, i can't seem to forgive him for almost anything he's done. it took me almost 3 years to finally get over him cheating on me. the last time i caught him looking at porn was just a few weeks ago. i know to the male species its "normal" for men to look at porn but i dont think they realize (or care for that matter) how it affects their relationship with the woman they love. I already have insecurity issues up the wazoo and now, they've been even worse since i caught him in the act.
I want my relationship to be happy. I want to trust my fiance, but I dont know how. i want to get into therapy but I'm broke, have hardly any time on my hands and don't even know where to look. what do i do? how can i fix the trust in our relationship?

[jenkins09]

Hi Fonseca1,

Can I make a suggestion? pick up the book "codependency no more" it's great and you will find some really helpful info in there for YOU. It's not wrong for you to not like your man looking at porno, I get it and I'm a male. It is hurtful to your partner. It would seem he just continues to trigger all of your insecurities from the past all the time. I know that universities offer discounted therapy....don't not look because of the $$ issue..there are solutions out there. Let me know how you're doing.

[FlayedHeart]

I can understand your misgivings, I don't study psychology or anything but I can understand. Him looking at porn, especially after he's strayed before.. make you wonder if he's looking elsewhere. I'd say try talking to him about it, tell him it hurts, that it makes you feel like you aren't enough. And explain that because it makes you feel this way, it causes trust issues. I hope everything works out well, it sucks to be having doubts in a relationship.

[fonseca1]

I just want to thank you both for responding to my post. It helps a lot to know that someone understands what you're going through. @jenkins09-I'm going to look into that book. Thank you for the suggestion.