[turquoisesea]

I grew up reading and watching fairy tales. Some of them were "Disney-a-nized", and most of them were PG, or changed to be made PG.

In these stories, relationships were all idealized. Sleeping beauty - all she had to do was wait for a kiss and the "perfect man" was hers. Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella...

These stories infuse the reader with many ideas about relationships, most of which are simply misleading. But as a child... I found myself drawn to them, living in this falsified world of ideals. And now, as we all face REAL relationships, this false picture is destroyed. And we are faced with reality.

At least, in my case this is true to some extent

I was hoping we could discuss this a little, if anyone was interested.

Do you find these things to be true about love and relationships? Do you think fairy tales present an unrealistic view of love and relationships? Did you ever believe in a fairy tale ending? Which are your favorites?
If you believed in the "perfect" relationship, how have you dealt with the reality of a relationship?

I personally have had a lot of trouble accepting REAL relationships, because I had an idealized version of what it should be like, based on childhood stories/etc.

It did not take me too long to realize what I was taught bore little resemblance to what I saw. Relationships are very hard work. Parents who work hard to have a good one give their children a gift for a lifetime.

[Leed]

My parents marriage was FAR from the Disney version, so I didn't have any idealized version of what marriage was supposed to be. From where I came from, I figured it was more like WWII. I went into marriage determined not to get my ears boxed, or get tossed from one room to the other. I was lucky and didn't duplicate my parents marriage ~ even tho my marriage wasn't a particularly happy one, it lasted 26 years before divorce. My 2nd marriage was closer to the Disney version but only lasted close to a year before he died of cancer.

[Can't Stop Crying]

I stopped believing in fairy tales very early on, perhaps because of what I saw in RL. I honestly have no expectations in relationships...possibly a defense mechanism to avoid being let down?

[Yoda]

Fairy tale love permeates music too. I bought a CD of the Eagles with the song Love Will Keep Us Alive and gave it to my boyfriend when we were falling apart. I believed then that with enough love we could overcome our problems but I was wrong. I don't want to be cynical but sadly I now am.

[unico]

I grew up in an abusive household, so I didn't associate marriage with "true love" or "happily ever after." In fact, I expected if I did have a romantic relationship it would end in tragedy. However, I have always loved fairy tales. I love Beauty and the Beast, both the original tale and the Disney movie. I also like the fairy tale The Little Mermaid, which has a very sad ending, as many older fairy tale versions do. I do believe that love is beautiful and relationships can be beautiful, but they do require hard work. Romance and innocence can be kept alive through hard work and maintaining personal integrity. I do believe if we work on ourselves and try hard and we're with a person who is right for us (and I believe there is more than one potentially "right" person) we can have something of a "happy ever after."

[lastyearisblank]

I loved (and still love) everything Disney, Hans Christian Anderson, and especially Grimm's stories, which I think are the most readable for adults because they are so dark.

There was this psychologist Bruno Bettelheim who actually went through all of the fairy tales and showed how, they actually teach children about how to be a grown up..

E.g. He has this reading of Cinderella, where he argues that Cinderella has to pick up all the grains of rice before going to the ball, and that teaches children that you need to be mature before finding a mate. (The book is called "The Uses of Enchantment if anyone is interested")

It is nice to think there is wisdom in fairy tales even though most of them have such a crappy attitude toward women..

[unico]

I don't like Bruno Bettelheim and disagree with him, but I love Carl Jung and Marie-Louise Von Franz's discussions of fairy tales and how they relate to people's psychology and the world of archetypes.