[SakuraLi]

As I grow older I`m really trying to take stock of how my life is going. Very few of my friends are truely amazing, some are just ok and some just suck. Over my life I seem to attract more negative people than quality people. Why? I always wonder this. I tend to be very quiet and reserved and try to help people and be friendly too. But I find that most people want to use and abuse me and not really give back. I tend to not be able to tell people how I really feel till I`ve had enough and I`m ready to cus folks out. How can I deflect people who are not great and attract more quality people?

[sabby]

That's a really good question!

I used to attract the wrong kind of people as friends as well. I was lucky enough to have 2 good friends who were good people that helped me keep one foot in reality, but the other friends I had used me all the time. It can be very disheartening.

One thing I learned in trying to attract quality people into my life was to open up more...be more outgoing. I don't mean that you have to tell your life story, but to take part in conversations more, actively listen to others and really show confidence in yourself while interacting with others. Laugh heartily at something funny, show great concern for a problem, have eye contact and hold yourself up straight and true. Body language says more than words do.

I used to be the kind of person that would sit there and never say much of anything. I guess I had a fear that I had nothing worthy of contribution. I practiced a little here and a little there and found that I did have something to offer many more times than not.

That's about all I can think of right now....oh, one more thing, stay out of the bars when looking for quality people....too much drama!

Wishing you well!

Do you understand why you think a friend is truly amazing? Or why you believe a friend sucks? Do you use what you have learned from your amazing friends and those you are not happy with to build better friendships?

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...a-good-friend/

[unico]

Most of my friends I only know on the internet or I met in college. I'm bad at making friends, too.

[missbelle]

Unfortunately we attract people like us! When we get well and healthy so will our friends.
I find that I need also to change where I hang out. If I want quality friends maybe go where my interest is...like a painting class; a book club; yoga class; swimming.etc...

You will find that the healthier you are the better the friends. The more you think positive about yourself the more you will find people who care about you!

This, believe me is from past experience on my part. I did not like me and I attracted a lot of losers in my day. When I began to like myself and respect myself the more I saw that they were losers and I did not need them anymore in my life!!!!

[lastyearisblank]

I tend to be very quiet and reserved and try to help people and be friendly too. But I find that most people want to use and abuse me and not really give back. I tend to not be able to tell people how I really feel till I`ve had enough and I`m ready to cus folks out.

I have found working on boundaries really helps with this, both with the relationships and my reactions. I don't like that word, boundaries, because it sounds like it's supposed to keep people out... I just think of it as putting a dam on a river.. it still flows, but you have a bit more control over it. Melody Beattie's Codependent No More has some great suggestions.