[MARKLIKEY]

Hi, Everyone, into a
I am new and I searching for advice on my relationship. My boyfriend and I had been dating for 11 months and 2 weeks ago he told be that his feelings for me stopped growing and that he didn't think we should continue our relationship. He is Bipolar II and was honest with me about it from the beginning and encouraged me to ask questions and study up on it so I knew what I could be in for. I did just that and feel I was pretty well prepared as we progressed in our relationship.
From the very beginning, we took our relationship very slow. We have both been hurt before and wanted to make sure we got to know each other well and did not get caught up in the euphoria of a new relationship and rush into something with blinders on. We even waited over a month before our first kiss. It made it feel so much more special. As things moved forward everything was great for the most part. We had some issues to work through as I learned to deal with his rapid cycling. He experienced around 6 or seven severe depressive episode while we were together. I learned quickly it was not about me and that he just needed a few days to himself. During that time he would stay locked in his room at home, sleep, watch movie and play video games. I got to the point that I would see the depression beginning before he did and I was prepared and we had a good enough relationship I could ask him about it and he would answer honestly. He also had several periods where he stopped taking his meds. I also eventually learned the signs that was happening and he got to the point where if he felt like doing that (even though he knew I did not agree with his decision) he would tell me and when I saw changes to his personality begin to take place I was able to talk with him about it and he usually start back on his meds right away. He only had one hypo manic episode while we were together and as hard as it was to watch, he called me the night it was at its worst and asked me to come help him through the night which I gladly did.
The day after we spent a nice New Years together he sent me a text and said that he didn't think we should be together anymore. I asked him why and he said his feelings were just platonic. We didn't speak for a day and then he agreed to meet me. I tried to be extra careful not to be angry. I simply wanted to know what was going on. It ended up that he thought we had made a mistake by intentionally going so slow in our relationship and was afraid because we had not moved as fast as other couples we knew and he was insecure and comparing us to their relationships. That is also the first time that we admitted we were in love. After that everything seemed to be going well. We were back to normal, if not better.
About a month before he broke up with me I noticed he had started acting distant. I tried to talk with him about it, but he kept saying everything was fine. I really felt like he was acting depressed. I was getting ready to move and new that he did not like change and that it was hard for him and I figured that he was just preparing himself since he was used to spending 3-4 night a week at my old place. After I moved, things got a little better for about a week and then he started acting distant again. The weekend before we broke up, he said he wanted us to spend the weekend together because it had been several weeks since we had due to me preparing for the move. I was excited to have the weekend to spend with him, but the entire weekend he seemed agitated and on edge. On Friday night he took me to a nice dinner, which was out of the ordinary since he does not make much money and then on Saturday, when I tried to get him to do something that night, he just kept saying there was nothing to do and that if we went out it would just be seeing the same people we always did and that everything there was to do was boring. Sunday morning, he woke me up to tell me he had to go home because he had to do laundry. Normally, when we spent the weekend together it included Sunday night and he had not mentioned it before. He also seemed to rush out of the house Sunday morning, but he told me he loved me and gave me a kiss and a hug when he left. A little while after he left, I texted him to see if he was ok because he had left so quickly and without mentioning it prior. He did not respond until after 7 that night, which was very out of character since we normally text all day. When he did respond he said everything was fine. I asked if he was depressed and he said, "I don't know". I told him I would give him his time alone and we did not speak again until the next day when he called me around lunch time to say he needed to talk to me about his feelings. I agreed to meet him that evening at his place.
When I arrived, he opened the door, but did not hug me as usual. We sat on the couch and told me that he he did not think we should be together because his feelings had not grown the way they should have. He told me that he loved me and wanted my friendship since we were best friends. He also said that I had been better to him then anyone else he has ever dated. I asked him a few questions to clarify what he was feeling and did not get much back. He just said that he had been feeling this way for about 4 or 5 months. I asked why he did not say anything before and why he would tell me he loved me in January if he felt this way. His response was that this was not something to do with his bipolar and that he had really thought about this and knew for sure how he felt.
That same night, I emailed him to just say that before we could try to be friends I would need some time without contact to deal with things on my side. Then on the next Saturday night, less than a week after I emailed him, he began chatting with me on Facebook. He said that he had been very sad and was spending most of his time locked in his room under a bunch of covers (like he does when he is depressed). I told him I have been sad too. He then said maybe we could go see the movie I had wanted to see that is coming out this weekend. He also texted me on Tuesday just to talk about a tv show. I have texted and chatted back, but have not initiated any contact. I also still have a lot of his things at my place and I at his, but neither of us have brought up getting our things back.
I am at such a loss for what is going on. Why would he insist on contacting me when I asked him not to? Was it really to Bipolar or not? Why is he so depressed/sad if this is what he wanted? Is this just part of a pattern that I will have to deal with if we end up back together?
I am sorry this is so long, but no one I know has ever experienced this and I really need advice from anyone who may have been though this or anything like it.

Thanks.

Hello, MARKLIKEY. I have no advice. I hope you are able to get this sorted.

Be well.

[Caretaker Leo]

"Why would he insist on contacting me when I asked him not to? Was it really to Bipolar or not? Why is he so depressed/sad if this is what he wanted"

My son is bipolar. It seems as though he is on a roller-coaster all of the time. He says one thing one day and the reverse the next. My guess is that you are a very kind person with a big heart. That is how people describe me. And we get hurt by the people we care about because of it.

Use those good qualities of yourself and move forward. If you want to try to be a friend to your ex, please just use caution and please take care of yourself. There is probably a wonderful person buried deep inside of him, but he isn't ready to commit to a serious relationship because he isn't yet comfortable with himself. I saw this happen with my son and a woman who was in love with him.