[del12]

This is about my relationship with my sister and am not sure if this is where to post. So I will try here.
I am so confused and not sure how to handle this. I love my sister but she has hurt me so deeply and I am having a difficult time trusting her. We are both adults. She is older and for the past year has turned away from the entire family for as far a I know no reason at all. During the past year I finally came to terms with it and decided when she is ready she will call. Well a few months ago she did and apoligized and said she wanted to get together and hoped I would be open to it. I responded and said yes, but I was honest in that I told her I was scared because I thought she would run away and it hurts. I did not hear from her fo quite some time. Then I received a call and we talked briefly and she said she wanted to get together and she was glad I could forgive her. I said yes I would like to get together thinking that maybe we could reconcile. She said she would call back during the week and we would set something up. Now it has been a few weeks and I have heard nothing! I am at the point where I can't trust her. I love her and she is important but how many times do I put myself in the same place I am now. It hurts. I do know it is her and she needs to solve her problems, but do I continue putting myself in a place to be rejected and feel the hurt and sadness. Do I put my foot down and say no more? I am feeling so confused and sad and I am tired of feeling this way. Does anyone have any feedback? I am willing to listen.

[Perna]

I don't see how her reaching out to you is experienced as a rejection by you? It's just taking her a really long time to actually do the reaching out. You say you don't know why she turned away from the family; be curious and anxious to talk with her instead of thinking of each of her calls as a single entity and thus a rejection when she does not follow through yet. If you do not feel she or the family did anything "wrong" then there is no reason not to "trust" her. Eventually you two might/might not get together. If you miss her, tell her the next time she calls. If you are on pins and needles because of the constant approach/avoidance dance she appears to be doing, tell her that's how you feel; that you are anxious to get together with her and this to/fro thing is "killing" you with anticipation.

I would look at my own life and why I am responding to my sister the way you are? Did one/either/both of your parents do a similar thing to you; promise you things and then not follow through? Your sister is just your sister, "even" with you, not someone who should have that much power in your life to cause you that much hurt.

[del12]

Originally Posted by Perna

I don't see how her reaching out to you is experienced as a rejection by you? It's just taking her a really long time to actually do the reaching out. You say you don't know why she turned away from the family; be curious and anxious to talk with her instead of thinking of each of her calls as a single entity and thus a rejection when she does not follow through yet. If you do not feel she or the family did anything "wrong" then there is no reason not to "trust" her. Eventually you two might/might not get together. If you miss her, tell her the next time she calls. If you are on pins and needles because of the constant approach/avoidance dance she appears to be doing, tell her that's how you feel; that you are anxious to get together with her and this to/fro thing is "killing" you with anticipation.

I would look at my own life and why I am responding to my sister the way you are? Did one/either/both of your parents do a similar thing to you; promise you things and then not follow through? Your sister is just your sister, "even" with you, not someone who should have that much power in your life to cause you that much hurt.

I don't feel her reaching out to me is rejection. Each time she called and said she wanted to repair our relationship I have embraced it. I have told her that the "to/fro" thing is upsetting me and that even though I am cautious I am willing to try. She has told me I haven't done anything and it is her issues.
Maybe I wasn't clear in my post.