conversational slowness

Sometimes when I'm talking to people, they say something and I don't respond because I can't think of anything to say right away. It's not just that I can't think of anything intelligent -- I really can't think of anything. Then I think of a comment that I could have made, but it's a little too late to actually say it. I think maybe this is why I tend to shut up in groups: the conversation just moves too fast for my brain.

Does this sound like something that could be related to depression? Does it happen to anyone else? Am I just weird?

I really don't know QW but I would guess that it could be and also could be social anxiety..I would not know because I am a talkasaurus in person,,,it muct be hard

It happens to me ALL the time and it's super frustrating, plus if I think of something and I don't say it right away I totally loose my thought.

worms,

I used to get this with people I didnt know or those who I felt uncomfortable with. Its like my nerves would get the better of my brain and it would just stop working. You know, the same way nerves get the better of your body and you dont want to move incase any one sees you falling down.

It takes me a while to get comfy. I sorta need a sense of who is saying what and how they all interact, its only then that my conversational juices flow. But it seems to me that its worth plugging away at groups. Cos when you get there, and I mean really get there and the chat is flowing and you guys are all laughing and sharing an identity.................... gee its what makes the world go around.

So dont give up, keep going in groups and you will get there in the end.

atg

It happens to me, too. quality_worms, you're not weird. Do you come from a negativity-addicted/critical family (do their conversations center around "what's wrong with"? Do you ever feel drained rather than revitalized after talking with them? Do they seem to notice you more when you have a problem?) ? If you do, you could be suffering from "Dysthymia, a chronic low-grade depression" ("When is enough, enough?" by Laurie Ashner and Mitch Meyerson, pg 65) I myself come from such type of family. In addition, my mom taught me to mistrust people and interfered with my psychosocial development (she claimed that friends are out there to corrupt you). To make a long story short, I feel rusty when I try to talk to people.

yeah there are plenty of times when my mind just goes completly blank, its really frustatin i know.

I read a book on introverts, what you have described is listed as one of the possible signs of an introverted style. We take longer to process and contemplate.

Extroverts recharge when around all the social activity and tend to blurt things out.

Just one theory, another way to look at things.

Once while talking to my college professor, he asked if I was a writer. He then explained that he has noticed that people who write often have a more deliberate mind that considers and reflects. We might be slower in conversation because of this.

( Introvert Advantage is the book I read on this, I got a copy through my public library, and here is their short quiz:

Please read the following statements and see if they sound like you. If they do, you are probably an Introvert. If they do not, then you are probably an Extrovert.

• I feel energized by time alone.

• At social events I lose energy as the event progresses.

• People think of me as calm and reserved.

• I have good eye contact when listening, but I may look away when talking.

• Unless I know the subject very well, I speak slowly and sometimes need to hunt for words.

• I often have delayed reactions.)

hmm, thanks for replying, everyone. I'm glad I'm not the only one like this.

psychee, I don't think my family is negativity-addicted, but I haven't been looking for that, so I don't know. I'm an only child, so they pay a lot of attention to me. I guess I learned that it's better to think about what you want to say before saying it, and that people will pay attention when you eventually get around to opening your mouth. But the rest of the world doesn't work like that.

SarahL, I'm definitely an introvert, and I used to think I was a writer...heh. I'm okay with needing more alone time and more processing time. But I don't think that being introverted should mean feeling uncomfortable around people most of the time, and thinking so slowly that people think I just don't ever talk.

I agree, introverted doesn't mean feeling uncomfortable around people most of the time.

Can you get yourself screened for things like social anxiety and depression? Since it is negatively affecting you, good idea to look for help.

> Can you get yourself screened for things like social anxiety and depression?

Thanks for asking. I did, and I have a counseling appointment later this week. I'm just trying to get things more sorted out before I go, because I don't always have a very good grasp on which feelings are "normal" and which might be indicative of bigger problems.

(((((((((((((((qw)))))))))))))))))

Wish you all the best!

i think we can all be introverts and extroverts it just depends on the situation and how relaxed you feel within it. this is a good thread i think alot of us can relate to that feelin of like you you have nothing worth sayin, sometimes you have to make a joke of it and say any old crap because that may trigger off a thought pattern within the group and get things movin again. what i may see as bein a worthless thing to say still has a chance of helpin someone even if it only makes them smile inside for a slit second i think it was worth sayin. good thread guys

Some days I'm a social butterfly others I'm a shy turtle!