[LibraryWench]

I'm having some family problems and just want some feedback. My tdoc says I am doing the right thing but my heart just doesn't seem to agree.

I didn't speak to my mother since 05 when my stepfather (only real dad I had) died and she said some terrible things. One was why was I grieving so hard, it's not like I slept with him!! Hmm. Is that a reflection of the fact that real dad and boyfriends molested me? Is that normal in her mind?

I went through tx for hepc over 09-10 and my lil sis came to help me. Our relationship has always been a bit off so it was a surprise. I thought we got it together--we agreed that we would not talk with our mother about each other or listen to her since she seemed to be cause of our troubles.

Well I did begin to talk to mother and sister went back to mother's city after treatment. After about a month neither one was answering my texts or calls. Past behavior tells me they are gossiping u a storm and once again I am odd daughter out. I had to learn my mother has cancer on facebook. I could tell she was back to her usual burying me while pretending she is so perfect to all my cousins. I keep asking myself if i'm just being too sensitive or paranoid about all this. After all, she has always been one of the least maternal women on earth.

tdoc said maybe the price of interacting with them was not worth the payments I have to make. I agreed and deleted all maternal family from facebook and elsewhere. Of course not a one has either realized or contacted me after 3 weeks.

Meantime, my 27 year old son has relapsed again, lost his car and is homeless. I really have nothing to give him after going through this so many times.Thank goodness hubby understands and is dealing with him.

So all of this crashed me right out of a wonderfully productive manic state into a horrible deep depression that I'm just trying to ignore. I think I'm not really yearning for "my" family, I am yearning for a decent family I never had? A for my son, I am really sad and feel helpless and for such a control freak that is hard to accept.

Thanks for listening. I really needed to get this off my chest somewhere there are people who understand.

[Leed]

Bless your heart ~ I can TOTALLY understand about your son, because I have a son EXACTLY like that who is constantly going from homeless one minute to having a place to stay the next. I never know where he's going to be ~ and he's 40 years old. He's been like this since he was 19yrs old ~ he's an alcoholic. I've tried & tried to help him, but I had to stop enabling him several years ago. I just can't do it anymore.

I have to agree with your therapist about your Mom. The "payments" you're having to make are just too steep. Why should you have to give up your peace of mind and your very sanity for her? I'm sorry that she's ill ~ but she has made her choice as to how she wants the "family" to function.

I'm sure you DO yearn for a "normal" family, but I don't think any such thing exists. I think we watched "Leave it to Beaver" too much. LOL Hold onto what you have and keep your friends close. You'll be much better off. God bless you and you're in my prayers. Hugs, Lee

[LibraryWench]

Thanks Lee. My son has been going through this since he was 19. I thought since he made it through high school without problems he may have missed the genetic bullet. Guess it just took longer for his to come to the forefront.

Your comment about Leave it to Beaver made me smile. You're so right. Of all the people I know there aren't any with a normal family, just some families are better than others. Thanks for reminding me that sometimes what I "believe" comes from TV and not Reality!