[magicjac404]

I am just now re-entering the dating game again after taking a very long break. One of the hardest things I've struggled with is when the appropriate time is to confide in a dating partner about my mental illness. I have been managing my bioplar disorder effectively for the past 4 years with no major issues, but I know that I could very well lapse again at basically any given point. I want to be truthful with someone that I care about, but at the same token, do not want to scare them away either. Does anyone have any good advice on how and/or when the appropriate time is to confide in a dating parter on this topic? Thanks.

[FooZe]

Hi magicjac404, welcome to Psych Central!

Originally Posted by magicjac404

Does anyone have any good advice on how and/or when the appropriate time is to confide in a dating parter on this topic?

I don't believe there's a "the" time. Ideally, there'd be a window of time after they're comfortable enough with you to accept the information and before anything happens that they actually need the information for. And ideally you'd aim for somewhere around the middle of that window.

It's obviously going to depend on what your partner and your relationship are like, though. If your partner still weren't ready to know it by the time they needed to, you might not have a whole lot to lose whether you told them too soon or too late.

The way I see it, you can't make someone accept you no matter what your circumstances. All you can do is not make it hard for them unnecessarily and be satisfied that you're the doing the best you can; the rest is up to them. If it turns out that they're not up to the challenge, you look for someone who is.

[FeelingHopeful]

Thank you so much for this magic jac i have afriend i think is struggling with this exact same thing and maybe i can show him post to help im not sure best time i think you should feel comfortable with the person and then its up to the person if they can deal with it i believe there are people that can i know i love my friend and him telling me wouldnt change my feelings at all

[DivorcedWoman]

I just asked this same question to another member who is BP and has a lot of dating experience. She said she would tell them when she felt comfortable that the relationship was going to go somewhere.

We also discussed the fact that a lot of men post on the dating websites stuff like no mental illness, drama or medicated people respond. That was very upsetting to me when I got back into the dating scene after a very bad manic episode, divorce and custody battle and it added to my fear of sharing the informaition with anyone. I was with the same man for 20 years and was diagnosed in year 17 of our realtionship so I've never had to per se tell someone I was dating that I was BP.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I've been episode free for 4 years and am finally on the right meds and feeling better about myself. I have had a boyfriend for 9 months but it was fairly easy for me to tell him because he is a recovering alcoholic and has had some difficult life issues. I still waited for a few dates to tell him but felt safer that I wouldn't be judged by him.

The advice I did receive if my boyfriend and I don't work out and I go back into the dating scene is to be very confident and straightforward that you have a mood disorder that you are taking medication for and that you are doing well or something along those lines.

Boy it felt good to hear it from someone else. The member I was chatting with did find a good partner/spouse but she did date a lot of people that had issues and that she was trying to save. She had some great advice for the situation I'm in today with my boyfriend who I love but who has more serious issues than me. She asked me to really think what am I getting out of the relationship. I truly have to analyze this so may be in your shoes soon.

Good luck!

[salukigirl]

I agree that there isn't a set timeline for things like that. If you feel comfortable enough with someone and you don't think they will judge you, that's the time. Trust your gut! I hope you can feel good with someone enough to open up to them.

Personally, I think bipolar is one of those mental issues that people aren't too terrified of. It's easier to understand than others because (my understanding at least) the public has more knowledge about it than some other things. That's just my opinion though.