im so hurt and lost

On the 4th my husband informed me that he wasn't happy, didnt care anymore and wants a divorce. After only 3 weeks of a rough patch. We went to a marriage therapy session the day after and she told us she could help. That none of the issues we were having couldnt be worked through. But he wants nothing to do with it. And his reason are I dont care and i dont want to try. but he cant give me a reason as to why he doesnt want to. He is too busy listening to the horror stories of the bad army wives. even though i have never done anything to suggest i would do those things he told the therapist "Its not a risk im willing to take" I dont want this. i want to save my marriage. i love him so much. i dont know what to do anymore.

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. I hope you are able to find some peace in all of this.

(((pallycoo)))

I am sorry that you're going through such a tough time with your husband right now.

Hopefully, your hub will see some light as the end of his tunnel & find the motivation to work through whatever issues are concerning him so much.

Personally, I'd recommend that you find some emotional relief and escape through healthy activities. Like: exercising, gardening, bird-watching, jigsaw puzzles, cooking or baking, etc. Just a few of my personal fave's listed there . My point is, it does help to get through tough times when we have other activities and reliefs to lean back upon.

Best wishes to you!

It's very hard when someone we love doesn't want what we want but no one has to give a "reason" to another as to why they do/do not want something. Were I you, I would back off the pressure some (of needing a reason or being gung ho for "working" on problems, etc.) and see if a relaxed, wooing approach might bring him around?

Think of his words kind of like someone who mentions some idea or wish but doesn't do anything to work towards it. As long as he's not seeing lawyers, making plans, splitting up what's his and what's yours, etc., see if you can be a bit more relaxed about the whole thing and work toward whatever he has expressed as important to him that has caused the arguments/issues?

If he is accusing you of being with or wanting to be with other men, set up nice dinners with foods he likes and just "be" with him (so you obviously can't be wanting to be somewhere else?); being relaxed and "going with the flow" instead of trying to resist his "side", his wrong thoughts or ideas might make enough slack so he'll "fall in" and be willing to re-examine the whole thing whereas your pushing/pulling for "fixing" could just be making him resist harder or feel overwhelmed and tired so he "gives up".

That is a different way of looking at it Perna. That just may be what the doctor ordered.

Not easy to do, especially in the emotional moment... but I could see your recommendation as being a very helpful technique! Thanks for sharing your ideas

This may not be what you want to hear, but could he be having an affair?

It just seems strange he's accusing you of cheating when you've done nothing suspicious. Almost like a transference kind of thing.

Hugs to you....

Patience, prayer and hope. You will be good

hes not accusing me of cheating.....

I feel your pain. About ten days ago, the person that I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, told me that I was too hard to love. I try so hard to manage my BP II symptoms. It seems like no matter how hard I try, something gets by me and wrecks my relationships.