[joliette]

Someone who volunteers with my sports team just annoys the heck out of me and I do not know what to do about it. I know I should be honest with him but I do not want to cause drama within the team. He does not have many friends and as mean as it may sound I do not want to be his friend either. It is to the point that I get angry and very uncomfortable when he is around, or if he posts on facebook, or texts me. I fear I will blow up on him and be very mean about not liking him. He is just someone I simply do not like to be around.. are their easy ways to tell someone I cannot stand them?

[Out_of_denial]

Many people annoy me, I feel your pain. Is it something specific this person does? Usually if someone that annoys me is around a lot, I just keep my distance as much as possible. Do not engage the person in anyway. Keep communication to the bare minimum. Just say Hello and go stand somewhere else. Don't be his friend on Facebook. That helps tremendously. Don't answer texts.

Though, I am in therapy for unreasonable anger at people who annoy me, among other things. Maybe you could try to look at it a different way. If he's doing something offensive to you, then go ahead and mention it to him in private. Otherwise, just try to think of him as a person who is having a hard time fitting in. You don't have to be his friend, but you could be a silent supporter.

Good luck with this,
Amy

[DePressMe]

You're in a complex situation and it sounds very uncomfortable. Amy has some good ideas. Avoid him, don't return texts, remove as friend on facebook.

I understand that it's difficult to set limits without coming across as mean. But this is causing you a lot of stress and you will eventually have to deal with it. It's just my opinion but if you let him befriend you and hang with you, you'll eventually blow up and then he really will have his feelings hurt. It's like a time bomb waiting to go off.

In the end, it may be better to talk with him while you're in control of your emotions.

But, remember, this is just my thoughts and I don't know much about your situation so I may be off base. Anyway, good luck with this situation.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by joliette

It is to the point that I get angry and very uncomfortable when he is around

Seems an intense reaction, many people would not even notice and have no trouble overlooking him. If I were in your shoes I would be curious as to why I felt so strongly about this guy. Someone else just "existing" shouldn't make you angry. Maybe he reminds you of someone else?

I would laugh at myself for getting so angry/uncomfortable and shrug. That you are afraid you will blow up at him says, to me, that you are paying too much attention to him, and that would be your doing rather than his? He "fascinates" you in some way, is a lightning rod of some sort for you?

[joliette]

I dont dislike him for just existing. He always has something to say which is annoying. He has a fiance and says stuff that someone with a fiance shouldnt be saying.. nothing too bad but still. He just isnt someone that I find interesting or fun, so it annoys me when he is around. I keep my distance and do not speak to him but he just keeps asking me whats wrong. I guess I need to just tell him how he makes me feel without being mean about it. honesty is the best policy.

[joliette]

and i know it is an intense reaction, which is why im asking for help. He does not remind me of anyone, but when someone I do not like starts coming into my personal space it makes me angry

[jenkins09]

It sounds like a great opportunity to learn more about you. When you have such a strong reaction to someone like this it is probably more about you then the other person. Maybe your doing some projecting with this individual. Maybe you two are more alike then you can see?

[lxegirl]

i dont think theres an easy way to do it. maybe if he says something disrespectful or arrogant (kindly) point it out. try to have the least amount of attitude possible to decrease the probability of some drama.

[shezbut]

Joliette,

I can understand that this guy bugs the heck out of you. Believe me...I get bugged by lots of different people, lol. I really think that the best idea would be to avoid him. Take him off your Facebook buddy page, so he doesn't have access. That's perfectly appropriate. He doesn't have to be allowed to your FB home page.

If the guy is simply present in one of the pages that you frequently visit, ignore it. Don't respond to text messages. If he asks why, when he sees you, just tell him that you're a little overwhelmed by all of the activity & aren't interested.

If when he sees you, he asks if something is wrong, say "No, not really." and walk away. If he follows you and keeps on your back, then tell him that you'd appreciate more space from him. At that point, it's appropriate to tell him to back off.

That's my advice anyway.