[User42]

I'm 25, very almost 26 and have never had a girlfriend or a date. For a long time I was too shy to talk to girls at all, now that I'm over that I have no clue how to you know, typical "friend zone" stuff. bla bla bla, you've heard the story... It doesn't help that most of the women my age I meet are already in comited relationships, sometimes engaged or married with a baby on the way.

My current worry is actually not the fact that I never have had a grilfriend, but now that I've left it so long I don't feel mentally and emotionally capable to start dating for the first ever time.

In my minde: any single women in my age range will likely have a great deal of relationship experience. If I meet a woman, she might be compairing me to her many ex's, judging my ability to handle being with her and to understand how relationships work. I have no experience, exactly the same amount as when I was an young schoolboy and I don't see how a woman in her twenties would want to date a man with the equivilent relationship experience of a 12-year-old boy.

Am I stupid to think this is a concern? Or what can I do about it if it really is?

Twenty-something girls in the forumn: Could you see yourself being in a relationship with someone who's never been in a relationship? Would this put you off?

User 42, eh? Any relation to Agent 47?

I'm not a 20-something-year-old woman, so pardon me if you were looking for responses exclusively from that age/sex group. But I know a guy who didn't start having serious relationships until he was 22. He's currently 28 and thinking about marrying his current girlfriend. I know one woman who is now 25 or 26. She never had a date until her junior year of college. And I know a 20-year-old woman who also has yet to be in a serious relationship. So you're not the only one.

[qwerty000]

It's scary how similar this is to a discussion I had with my therapist recently. Except, I'm 28, and I've had three(!) whole dates. Your concern is basically the exact same concern I have and expressed to her, and while I have a negative opinion of myself in many regards, I am most assuredly not stupid; therefore, I conclude that you are not stupid. At least, not on the basis of having this concern.

Unfortunately, I have no useful advice or anything to provide beyond that assertion. Sorry.

Hello, User42. You might start by being friends with people in your age group. A relationship has a better chance of being viable once you have more confidence.

[jhkghn]

Do you have a history of mental illness, anxiety, shyness, etcera? If so, are you already getting professional help? If you aren't, then why not? You don't need to publicly answer that. Just think about it. Maybe you came here because deep down you believe you still have a chance? Whatever the case, CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) teaches us to approach our problems in a factual way. It did help me deal with my own loneliness in at least some small capacity.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Okay, so I'm more in the 30 something range than the 20 something range, but I can tell you from my dating time that "experience" or lack there of was never something that came to mind. I was more interested in someone I felt comfortable with, who had similar interests/goals, and who was honest. I think if you socialize with 20 somethings, it might give you a little more confidence to approach the dating scene. Is there an activity that you really enjoy? Take a class or join a club or sports team (my community is always sending out fliers/catalogs for activities for adults) that will give you the opportunity to socialize with people in your age group. BTW - it is never too late!

[User42]

Thanks for responses all. I have a history of depression and anxiety. I still do but not as much as I did. I still have zero confidence though.

I am friends with many girls my age now (none single though - few of those seem to exist), I no longer have trouble communicating with them.

As for socialising, my interests are mainly computers and science. I don't spend a lot of time with friends, but I have a couple of social events I attend on a montly basis where there are some people of both sexes, both around my age and older. Although I am still somewhat shy in large groups.

Thanks.

You are very young still actually.You are capable of dating.But,I'd focus on being simply...comfortable with who you are to the point of being relaxed.Rather than focusing on 'dating'...focus on being outgoing and social and somewhat open to what's happening around you.

'What-ifs...are a paralyzing overtone.Don't consider 'what-ifs'.They rob you of all of the 'now' experiences as they occur....What about all the what-ifs' which never come to fruition...which,in retrospect we can see were pointless worries.

The best way to engage in a friendship with a woman...is to be fine with who you are...have self-esteem (not overtly...where it's all about you....just be confident)...see a bit of humor to life....just experience her as if she were a person you are cordial with and follow the leads of your intuition and whatever indicators are there.

The best relationships...I think...are discovered in just conversation.You 'hit it off' with a person and conversation flows.

There is nothing 'stupid' about your concerns.They just are....your concerns...you are allowed them.

As far as Querty000 and yourself user42...I see nothing in your ability to communicate which is 'less-than'.Both well spoken...and that is the ice-breaker.Just flow...and be you...not terrifically restrained.

The easiest way to encounter opportunities to meet someone is to get out more.Go to events of a community sort around your area...or bowling...the park...library...public concerts...etc...whatever...and rather than being worried...be you.Be unafraid to interject...say hello...floooow.

The Byzantine...his forever 'few words' always contain the most essential elements.Only what you need to hear.Confidence.That is key.Comfortable in your skin.Byz doesn't mean rooster-strutting confidence.Just being comfortable with you.

Cantstopcrying gave you great advice.

p.s....girls of your age range may be more difficult to 'start-out 'with...perhaps a 30 something...for practice....create a friendship...see where it goes?