[Brometheus]

ok here is my backstory.

I'm usually a kept person. Quiet, talkative around people im really comfortable with. People who understand my personality. I think highly of myself, mentally. I always used to think to myself on how stable I am and dont understand how people can go crazy, thought i never could.

October, 2010-- I met a female. She was my brother's friend, rather, his best friend's fiance. My brother and his friend were in a car accident, his friend, the driver was killed on impact (the car folded on him, hit a pole). This is a few states away from where I live. My family and I got the message of the accident and we went to go see my brother. I almost didnt go because I'm a workaholic and dont like to callout from work. Long story short, we saw him, he's doing good. Only a broken arm, scraped face. Met his friends, family of the "widow"?.. the trip really, unimportant.

October 28, 2010-- The "widow" (quotations still because idk if thats appropiate, they werent married.. just engaged) contacts me on facebook.. first private message was pretty friendly. after a few messages, it seemed a bit obvious she was interested in me. I thought she was crazy.. ofcourse, who didnt? well not crazy but looking for someone/something to ease the pain. A horrible way to mourn, indeed. Fear of being a rebound.

Mid-November 2010-- I really didnt want to rush things but it seemed like if i didnt ask her out she would lose interest and seek attention from someone else. But by then i cared that much about her(even so, i wouldnt rush a relationship).. but thats how it went down. She was my girl. Yet, nobody knew.. so whats the point?

December 26, 2010-- she came to visit with her kids and my brother. Oh did i forget to mention she has 3 kids? While I dont initially have a major problem with that, if she is the one who i'll have a lasting relationship with, it upsets me from time to time that her first born child wasnt mine.. not very major thought. also kinda selfish that i feel its better the children's father is dead than alive with a talking relationship with the mother. I'm sorry I have to reveal that, but thats how i honestly feel and i know for sure nothing would last between us because i have major trust issues.

If you skipped the previous paragraphs, here is the meat of this thread. Recently it is hard for me to trust this female. From the flirting which she thinks is alright for her to do while she is in a relationship, but if she dare sees someone (a female friend) say something to me, then that day will not end well.. as in I will not hear from her the rest of the night. Wake up the next morning and she talks to me like nothing happened. I'm really having problems dealing with her abruptness. A lot of things are starting to piss me off. Should i get mad when she tells me she'll call me back but she never does? Well every person I have ever known has done that to me. I never liked it. it really pisses me off. it happens almost daily..

My mind is getting cluttered with misguided anger right now. Losing track of what i really want to say. I dont know what Bi Polar is supposed to feel like but sometimes i think that I am. a lot of nights, I would stay up (like right now.. insomnia.. ) hoping she would call me because she never gets my phone calls or texts, even if i call and text for an hour straight, which i've done but stop out of anger and depression.

How do I cope with it? well first is I check her facebook and twitter constantly refreshing.. see if she's awake/avoiding my calls. see who she's flirting with this time on the internet (unless ofcourse she's on the phone with them.. explains why my phonecalls cant be answered at 9 -11pm).. believe it or not, there was a moment where my love for her engulfed my whole existence and i gave her all my trust.. but then one day i tried to browse into her phone and she almost broke my arm off from across the room to grab her phone. never forgot that. will never forget that.

Another thing i do is go on her myspace page.. she doesnt know i found her on there but i look at her pictures from before.. when she was pregnant with her 2nd daughter. I see pictures and videos of her ex. her fiance. I dont hate him.. Rather, i go on his page and look at HIS pics as well.. In a way I look to him for answers. I wonder how happy he made her. I think about what if my brother was the one who died instead.. would I have met her? We would have never been together.. She would have been happily married by now. Most importantly, SHE would have been happy. ME? I would have still been living my daily routine. I never really knew anyone close to me that died. I dont know how i'd deal with that but I do imagine that i'd be void of any visible emotions. Especially--brace yourselves.. for my brother. We dont really have a close relationship.. like at all.

to those of you who read this, I thank you. TO those of you who skimmed this, I thank you for skimming. FOr those of you who skimmed this just to read the last few lines, then go back to read some of it and comment, thank you very much. To those of you who took the time out to read all of this and sympathize, empathize, and criticize in a post to help me get thru this.. Thanks for caring. THank you.


PS. I love her so much and I dont want to lose her. But I also love my sanity. I tried to stop talking to her many times but she always contacted me after a few days or a day.. and we started talking again. I'm so lost.. i need help for my relationship.. Help for myself.

[Leed]

She sure sounds very manipulative. I'm not sure I would like to be in a relationship with someone like that. If she's going to get mad at every little thing, then LET her get good and mad, and let her go. It sounds like she's just USING you for the time being, until something else comes along. She just doesn't want to be alone.

If I were you, I'd get out of this relationship -- it sure seems toxic to me. I don't think she has your best interests in mind. She certainly doesn't seem to mind if you're sitting home worrying or not. She doesn't care if you're trying to get in touch with her. She just plain doesn't care!!!

Yes, it will hurt for awhile -- but you'll live thru it. We all do. Get out of this toxic relationship. You DESERVE BETTER. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[nice girl]

Ur story is very touching. . . .
Seems u really love this girl. . . .
It's normal to not being able to trust. . . .
Have u ever thought of talking this out with her. . . .
I mean i understand taking the emotional stress of the accident must have been a lot to handle for her. . . .
Which is why her behaviors might hv changed. . . .
But if u r loosing faith in her. . . .
Then u should seriously sit down with her and ask her how she feels and tell her how u feel. . . .
I'm sure u guys will be able to sort it out. . . .
Wishing u all the best for it. . . .
Stay happy. . . . tc