[confusedandhurt501]

I have recently had some problems with my husband that are currently being mended. In the mean time, I have looked at myself very closely and my relationship with others. This has really helped my relationship with my husband. Through all of this, I have discovered so much about myself and how I am treated by my family. I strongly believe that the only time any one in my immediate family tries to contact me is when they want something. It does not matter what it is, they always want something.

I work night shift and my schedule is a lot different then everyone else's, so it is hard for me to keep in constant contact with them especially in the last couple of months. On Easter, I didn't realize my cell phone was on vibrate until the late afternoon. My husband, daughter and I were busy doing things so I had not had a chance to call either of my sisters, my mother, or my father. When I looked at my phone, the only person that had called me was my mother. I returned her call and let her talk to my daughter and then decided to wait and see if either of my sisters or my father would call me. They never did. I did not call them either. It really hurt-I at least thought my father would call to see how my daughter was doing.

So a couple of days ago my sister accidently got a text message meant for my husband, one that stated that the only time she calls is when she wants something. I felt bad that she got the message because I truly thought it was being sent to my husband. In the mean time, she has sent me a nasty text message and a long nasty email detailing how I am the one that only calls when she wants something. My only response was that I was sorry. I cant respond to it. I am hurt by what she has said becuase I have done nothing but take care of her and be at her beakon call for the last 12 years. She used me, just like the rest of my family.

What should I do? Should i try to mend this or just let it take it's course. She has completely taken this overboard. I know that she has discussed this with the rest of my family, because that is what she does. I am done letting her do this. Some advice would be greatly appreciated.

[scarlet11]

I wonder if the mistake was made so that things can be discussed and repaired,if you look at it as something that needed to happen?

[Perna]

I don't think anyone has the time or interest these days to just call/communicate with people, friends or family especially, "just because". Everyone is busy with their own lives and why would someone call me unless they wanted to call me for some reason? That's why people talk to each other, they have a reason!

It sounds like you might be spending too much time worrying about the other person and what they are doing in relation to you rather than what you are doing. If one feels good about themselves, they naturally just assume other people are thinking of us as we think of other people, we know the people who love us do, without their constantly telling us they do. Love doesn't keep score.

It sounds like you love your sister and parents but do not like them. That's okay! You did not pick your family so they do not have to be friends! Relate to your family on your terms, do not expect anything from them. I don't know why you let yourself be at your sister's beck and call, you should only be at your own beck and call. But deciding to put a lot of effort into helping your sister, for whatever reason, is/was your decision and a "gift" and does not get an automatic payback! You cannot make your family care about your daughter and respond in certain ways toward her! You can only control your own behavior.

I would decide if you want an easier relationship with your sister, if you "care" in the sense of being truly sorry for telling anyone else besides your sister about how you felt about her (it is no one else's problem/business; it should have just been between you and your sister and you should have told her how you felt if you had a problem with her behavior) and if you want to try to mend how the two of you relate to one another.

That she feels you only call when you want something is her opinion and is just as valid for her as your opinion of her is for you! You don't get a vote as to her opinion and feeling hurt because of her opinion means you lack some self esteem. If your feeling is that her opinion is not correct, it should trump any chance of hurt feelings because her opinion doesn't feel "true" once you examine your behavior from her point of view (since it's her opinion). Even if you can see the truth of her opinion for her (and your expecting something in return for your beck-and-call says there may be truth in her point of view) that should be "information" for you so you can work on your own issues rather than worry about hers and trying to change her.

[50guy]

I think I call my sister maybe every 3 months or so. I call my brothers only if someone died. I keep in touch with my boys every week, say hi, how's it going, etc. My Mother has been gone for nearly 3 years now and my so called father has been gone for 34 years. Having daily relationships never worked for me, except with my wife, I love talking to her and being with her. I'd be with her all day if I could. (38 years). As for any other family member.........I'd rather not and it is because they would expect me to do something for them, financially, they think I'm a millionaire.