[nomad73]

I am wondering if anyone can offer advice on how to deal with a recurring theme in my relationship? Whenever my boyfriend and I have a "breakthrough", e.g. meeting the parents, deciding to change jobs in order to prioritize personal lives, discussing marriage, or even discussing retirement aspirations, a backslide follows. Within two weeks of the "breakthrough", he tells me that he feels like he cannot satisfy me sexually.

Without delving into too many untoward details, I will say that due to our hectic schedules, we spend a lot of quality lunch time together, and I am not always at my most sexually responsive best, as I am worrying about returning to work on time, or I'm still mad about something that happened earlier that morning... and I'm female. Females just require a little sweet talking and a lot of foreplay sometimes (or at least this female does - sex is largely mental and emotional for me). I am very excited by him, and I enjoy sex with him, but I think he wants a porn-level response that I'm not capable of, and I refuse to fake it. I have been hoping that he'd gotten past this cycle of behavior, but it is popping up again before we are supposed to travel to meet my ailing father.

Is there some way I can step up to the plate here in order to "build his confidence" without perpatrating a flat out fraud with him? I have told him I desire him to the point of complete distraction, but that I also desire him under less pressure. I told him that his comments and observations about my lack of response make me feel as if he does not trust me and does not look for any other signs of my love and devotion. I guess I just need an idea, because the drawn out conversations aren't working, and neither are the raunchy lunch dates and suggestive invitations to naughtiness.

I'm just perplexed...

[Leed]

I have to agree with you. I do not like the 'porn' stuff either, and it was always an emotional and mental thing with me too. (I'm a widow, so I'm talking in past-tense LOL)

Why not try different rooms? It doesn't have to be in the bedroom - I assume you have no kids? Sometimes it can be exciting if you're somewhere other than the bedroom. if you have a garage, put the car in it, and get in the back seat -- that's kind of interesting. LOL

I have to agree that these "nooners" aren't conducive to a relaxed atmosphere - you're too concerned about getting back to work - that wouldn't work for me either. It's fine for men - but not for alot of women.

Try to relax. This will work itself out as long as you both love each other and are patient with one another. You may have to stroke his ego a bit. He sounds a bit unsure of himself. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[nomad73]

Yes. We were never so hot as at our adult fun time date at the hotel down the street. I love the naughtiness of the nooner, but I just can't get my bi-polar brain slowed down enought to really enjoy it, you now? I think my concern is coming from a place of not being witness to any conflict when I grew up, and then the first time I saw it, a divorce came with it. I just get terrified we're going to break up every time we work through this issue. I mean, if I were a man, this would bother the bejeezus out of me! I should've agreed to the parking lot the other night - it's just the neighbors might not take it so well... they might not be as understanding about my limited avenues to spice things up! LOL! Thanks for the feedback, Lee. You always have wise words for everyone.