[LittleForgetMeNot]

She is my age and having a rough situation at home. Witnessing domestic abuse, coming close to getting hit herself, and having her brother constantly in and out of jail, etc I feel like I should do something. I'm not good at empathizing, well I mean I am cause I've been in situations similar but when she tells me these things I can only sit in silence. I listen, but I just don't know what to say.

Her family is taking care of it, and I tell my Dad about it (he had lived in the same situation but with worse experiences). I tell him because I trust him, I tell him because he went through that and knows at least what he wanted from his friends while it was happening to him. He tells me to be nice to her which I am, tells me to see her often, and offer her things.. Not to imply that she cannot get these things by herself but just to say that I'm here and willing if you need anything. My Dad has offered to pay for amusement park passes for her (which are expensive) and I myself have taken her out skating through the winter, visited her house for sleep overs and on the occasional holiday, and this summer I plan on taking her up north to a lake-side cottage that my grandmother owns to spend a week or even just a weekend in the country without a worry or care in the world.

Right now it's like "I can't say anything to fix it but you can trust me with your secrets, and I'll try my best to take you away for at least for a few hours, give you good memories so you won't ever have to be entirely sad". While my Dad encourages the good memories I wonder if just that is enough. What if it's better if I am one of those friends who knows what to say and how to say it.. who gives support and hope? Is just parks and rides, lunches, movies, sleep overs and holidays enough? They are enough for me; was the perfect medicine when I was in the abusive situations as a child.. but everyone is different, aren't they, and need different support?

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by LittleForgetMeNot

She is my age and having a rough situation at home. Witnessing domestic abuse, coming close to getting hit herself, and having her brother constantly in and out of jail, etc I feel like I should do something. I'm not good at empathizing, well I mean I am cause I've been in situations similar but when she tells me these things I can only sit in silence. I listen, but I just don't know what to say.

Her family is taking care of it, and I tell my Dad about it (he had lived in the same situation but with worse experiences). I tell him because I trust him, I tell him because he went through that and knows at least what he wanted from his friends while it was happening to him. He tells me to be nice to her which I am, tells me to see her often, and offer her things.. Not to imply that she cannot get these things by herself but just to say that I'm here and willing if you need anything. My Dad has offered to pay for amusement park passes for her (which are expensive) and I myself have taken her out skating through the winter, visited her house for sleep overs and on the occasional holiday, and this summer I plan on taking her up north to a lake-side cottage that my grandmother owns to spend a week or even just a weekend in the country without a worry or care in the world.

Right now it's like "I can't say anything to fix it but you can trust me with your secrets, and I'll try my best to take you away for at least for a few hours, give you good memories so you won't ever have to be entirely sad". While my Dad encourages the good memories I wonder if just that is enough. What if it's better if I am one of those friends who knows what to say and how to say it.. who gives support and hope? Is just parks and rides, lunches, movies, sleep overs and holidays enough? They are enough for me; was the perfect medicine when I was in the abusive situations as a child.. but everyone is different, aren't they, and need different support?

You are being a wonderful friend. You are giving something very important, your time, your care, your concern, your being there to listen.
You can't solve her problems but you are doing great at helping her by listening and caring, she knows that. And even better you are telling her that there are good people in the world, not all are bad. She will live off of that for many years to come. And you are also showing her how to help another so someday she will know how to help others.

YOU ARE DOING GREAT!

[JeanneDoe]

Originally Posted by LittleForgetMeNot

She is my age and having a rough situation at home. Witnessing domestic abuse, coming close to getting hit herself, and having her brother constantly in and out of jail, etc I feel like I should do something. I'm not good at empathizing, well I mean I am cause I've been in situations similar but when she tells me these things I can only sit in silence. I listen, but I just don't know what to say.

Her family is taking care of it, and I tell my Dad about it (he had lived in the same situation but with worse experiences). I tell him because I trust him, I tell him because he went through that and knows at least what he wanted from his friends while it was happening to him. He tells me to be nice to her which I am, tells me to see her often, and offer her things.. Not to imply that she cannot get these things by herself but just to say that I'm here and willing if you need anything. My Dad has offered to pay for amusement park passes for her (which are expensive) and I myself have taken her out skating through the winter, visited her house for sleep overs and on the occasional holiday, and this summer I plan on taking her up north to a lake-side cottage that my grandmother owns to spend a week or even just a weekend in the country without a worry or care in the world.

Right now it's like "I can't say anything to fix it but you can trust me with your secrets, and I'll try my best to take you away for at least for a few hours, give you good memories so you won't ever have to be entirely sad". While my Dad encourages the good memories I wonder if just that is enough. What if it's better if I am one of those friends who knows what to say and how to say it.. who gives support and hope? Is just parks and rides, lunches, movies, sleep overs and holidays enough? They are enough for me; was the perfect medicine when I was in the abusive situations as a child.. but everyone is different, aren't they, and need different support?

Perhaps you should encourage her to get professional help. Talk to a councilor at school. I am a believer that in situations like this people need to get out. This is not a safe place for her to be.
The best way for you to help her is to perhaps let her stay with you as much as you can. Does she have other relatives family she can stay with that will be safe?

I think all the things you are doing so far are great, vacations and holidays are just what she needs to get away and breathe.
You are a good friend, and she is lucky to have you.
However I still worry for her safety.

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Originally Posted by JeanneDoe

Perhaps you should encourage her to get professional help. Talk to a councilor at school. I am a believer that in situations like this people need to get out. This is not a safe place for her to be.
The best way for you to help her is to perhaps let her stay with you as much as you can. Does she have other relatives family she can stay with that will be safe?

I think all the things you are doing so far are great, vacations and holidays are just what she needs to get away and breathe.
You are a good friend, and she is lucky to have you.
However I still worry for her safety.

Don't worry, she is safe. Her Dad isn't aloud at her house anymore and she has lots of older brothers and sisters living with her. The first time she told me this stuff was happening I reminded her that there are ways her Mom can support herself with out him around. As far as counseling goes she seems fine (even though I know this is a bad indicator by experience), and we don't talk too much about this type of thing. I'm afraid that we aren't there yet in our friendship for me to suggest counselling or therapy.. I'm afraid of crossing the line by suggesting something she isn't up for..

[Can't Stop Crying]

You are being a GREAT friend...I just worry about you taking on too much of the responsibility yourself. Your plate is already pretty full. You can support her and spend time with her and talk to her, but don't let this get too overwhelming for you! I've fallen into the trap of trying to be too much for others and in the meantime not realizing what a toll it was taking on me! Everything you are doing is awesome, just make sure that you're not giving too much of yourself so there is nothing left for YOU!
She is lucky to have a friend like you!