[DivorcedWoman]

I am extremely tired and frustrated right now and have a lot of resentment toward my boyfriend. I have a hard time communicating my feelings but I've been working with my counselor to do a better job. I finally found an opening to share some of the things that were going on for me. My fears and concerns about us and our relationship. My boyfriend is extremely sensitive and supportive when it comes to dealing with issues not directly related to him but when I brought up my thoughts and concerns he completely dismissed them and said I was being too sensitive and that those things weren't true. I also tried to address some sensitive topics for him and I delivered it in a nice and compassionate way but when I bring this topics up he says he feels like his back is against the wall. I never demanded he do anything about it. What the heck else am I to do!

I've been driving him to pick up his daughter for about 8 months now and I spend two hours doing that. He never offers to pay for gas and my 6 1/2 year old son goes along with uswant to hurt his feelings and I don't want him to feel I don't love him, but I'm sick of doing this. My son's summer schedule is super busy so I think I will get out of picking his daughter up most of the summer. Yeah!

I'm also sick and tired of doing the shopping and paying for everything. At the start he always paid his share but since he doesn't have a car I drive and someone end up paying for everything. I did communicate to him about 2 months ago that I needed help with the groceries and he did give me money once but hasn't since. Am I supposed to nag him everytime? If he's at his house he manages to come up with the money to feed himself and his daughter. Lately he has been saying how he doesn't have any money. I know he has a lot less than I do but I'm out of work and am not an endless supply of cash. I didn't want to go to the store last week because I was super tired and his response was well you'd have to go to the store anyway. Nice support!

So the nice way didn't work and he tends to tease me a lot. I came back with one liners that were directly related to my feelings and that didn't work either. I really don't know what to do. I'm meeting with my counselor on Tuesday so I will discuss with her.

So my bf is not much of a planner, but low and behold he can plan days in advance to get his daughter and get rides for her. He can plan her birthday to a T everything else is crap. All week no mention of mother's day. I didn't want to be in charge of planning his mom's day. I planned my own day. Yesterday I had to go do errands and he said oh, while you are out can you get my mom some flowers and a card. I hit the roof. He said I'll pay you back which he never does!

When I got back he said what is going on with you and I laid out my resentments. Again it was you are so sensitive and you are making something out of nothing! I caved and told him my plans and said he and his mom were included if they want. I really don't want to be a ***** but I'm feeling very taken advantage of. I did say that I wasn't sure if he wanted to go as he doesn't have much money cause I don't want to pay for him and his mom on my mother's day but they are coming to lunch with us but not the movie. I'm up in the air about including him in our dinner plans. I guess I will take it one step at a time today.

The last things I'm frustrated about that doesn't have to do with communication is we are on completely different schedules. I have my son 50% of the time so I'm on his sleep schedule which is early to bed early to rise. My bf stays up extremely late and sleeps in extremely late and watches tv all night long. We used to cuddle off and on and he would hang out with me at night sometimes until I fell asleep. None of that anymore. I'm BP so it's important for me to stay on the same sleep schedule and I've adapted to my son's schedule so I can't seem to stay up late. If I do try I inevitably end up falling asleep on the couch, etc.

Please anyone help me. Any advice?

[Leed]

To tell you the truth, I think you've answered your own question. This guy is a first class JERK. You are doing ALL the giving, and he's doing all the TAKING. You're not going to change him -- he's got it made the way that it is -- why should he change?? You might blow up a couple of times, but he makes a couple of statements about you being too sensitive, and things just keep going on as they were.

I'd get rid of the jerk if I were you. You DESERVE to be treated better than this!!! You're spending all your hard earned money on this dope, while he doesn't work and takes advantage of you. Why should he work? He's got YOU. Tell this dummy you don't need an albatross around your neck anymore -- you could hang chains around your neck and not have to pay daily for them.

I'm sure you care for this guy, although i don't know why -- but get rid of him. There IS someone out there for you who WILL treat you the way you DESERVE to be treated. You're being abused. God bless & best of luck. Hugs, Lee

i know it's hard to hear, but Lee's right.

[DivorcedWoman]

Thanks so much for your advice. One of my best friends told me last night he is a loser and that I need to get rid of him. Earlier in the week she said maybe you should just see each other less since you are constantly on top of each other and I thought that was a good idea so I was thinking that route. I'm going to Lake Tahoe this week with my son so thought that would be a good break. My counselor said I need to make the decision, but I wasn't ready to make the decision to break up. I'm such a woos when it comes to the relationship stuff and I'm truly afraid to make the decision. As much as he is a pain in the ***, he has been there for me through some tough transitions with my bipolar and my ex-husband.

So yesterday went pretty well and he actually paid for lunch for the entire group. That was very nice and made me feel better. I did invite him for dinner and usually he is the one that cooks. I bought everything thinking he would help out in this aspect and he loves to cook but no, I ended up making my entire dinner and cleaning up most of the kitchen. I was determined not to get upset or worked up about it because it was my day, but I was hurt.

We took my son home and then after we dropped him off there was pretty much dead silence on the way home. He again made no suggestions of anything we could do so I decided I would go to my room and read while he watched tv. He came in twice to check on me which was nice. The second time he tried to climb on top of me but my legs were crossed and it hurt. I said ow and he jumped off me and was super pissed. I told him what had happened but he didn't say anything. I said why don't you just go back and watch your tv then and he said I will. I snapped. I left the apartment in my robe and went downstairs and cried my eyes out. When I was done I came back up and got dressed and then took a walk. I came back and he said he was worried and came looking for me and asked what was going on.

I explained about the climbing on me and that I was hurt when I was just being honest with him. That I wanted to do that and I was happy that he was initiating sex. Lately I have to keep telling him point blank that I want sex. He is not initiating at all. We did have sex Friday but he was obviously angry with me and it was basically angry sex and then it was done and back to the usual bs.

We got into the whole mother's day thing which by the way he never once said happy mother's day to me. I love you. You're a good mom or anything. I do so much for his daughter a little recognition would have been nice. It was turned back on me that I am not his mother so why should he do anything for me. I said well I guess we are different because I would do nice things for you on Father's Day. He also said that I basically sabotaged him with the whole planning thing and not mentioning it to him.

He laid into me about being *****y and a drama queen the past two weeks and extremely moody which I don't disagree with. I did talk to him about my feelings and that didn't work so yes, I was *****y and went in sarcastic mode because I truly didn't know what else to do. It wasn't very loving or adult of me but the loving way didn't work I felt trapped and didn't know what else to do.

We had a long discussion and the topic of breaking up came up but I couldn't do it. I tried to put it back on him and he wouldn't do it either, but kept bringing up the fact he's been in relationships where there was too much drama and he got out of them and if that's the way this was going to be he couldn't do it. I don't know why I'm so scared to do it but I could put the nail in the coffin just yet. I talked about relationships and working together through the tough times etc. I said if you feel I'm so drama based then what will you do if my bipolar acts up. He says of course I would be there for you. He can't seem to handle a little non-BP drama so I really, really, really don't see how he will support me with a BP episode. So things are just up in the air. I will talk to my counselor tomorrow and go from there where that may be. I leave for Tahoe tomorrow and will have some good R&R and get away from this BS.

By the way, he doesn't see that he's used me in any way or forced me to do anything I haven't wanted to do. I may be crazy but all the driving and groceries, etc. seems like that's what it's all about. I don't want to accept or believe he would use me in that way. I thought he loved me, but as things are not coming up roses and I'm talking about sensitive things the tables have sure turned on me and I'm sensitive, full of drama, etc.

Thanks for your input and advice on this stuff. I'd love more feedback on this part of the post.