[SolutionIsProcess]

There is a woman I am very close friends with. We met three years ago and slept together about a week after knowing one another. At the time, I was into sewing my wild oats. She got into a relationship shortly after that but we remained friends. It's amazing what getting to know someone over a long period of time will do. She ended that relationship about six months ago, and it just seems like we keep getting closer. Knowing her the way I do now, I would definitely be interested in having an romantically intimate connection with her. Normally, I do not hesitate to act in these situations but for some reason I get real nervous thinking about it, probably because I really do value my friendship with her. I worry about the repercussions it will have on our friendship should it not go well, but at the same time I don't want to go on thinking what if. Any suggestions or similar experiences?

[Leed]

I've been in a similar situation like this and it ruined the relationship. An old friend of many years became single -- I was a widow. We'd known each other for a long time and were good friends. After his marriage broke up, he asked me out ~ I told him that I wanted to take things very SLOW -- I was still a bit "tender" since my husband died and I didn't want to jump into anything. He "said" he understood. He was good friends with my late husband so I was confident he would be ok.

Well, boy he didn't ACT like he understood. He was like an octopus ~ he was all arms & hands, if you get my drift!!! That hurt me since I'd told him I wanted to take it SLOW. I gave him a couple of chances - but after that, that was IT. No more. We haven't spoken since.

Now my situation is different from yours -- but putting sex in a friendship does tend to ruin it. Afterwards, there's always expectations. One or the other will "expect" to be monogamous; they will want an "understanding" that they are not to see anyone else; they will start to talk about the future; there will be talk about moving in with each other; etc. If one of you doesn't feel the same about the other, there are hurt feelings. If you have just recreational sex, that's a big problem -- the friendship DOES suffer. So I'd think about this and find out beforehand how the other feels, if you can.

Best of luck in whatever the outcome is. God bless. Hugs, Lee

Originally Posted by SolutionIsProcess

There is a woman I am very close friends with. We met three years ago and slept together about a week after knowing one another. At the time, I was into sewing my wild oats. She got into a relationship shortly after that but we remained friends. It's amazing what getting to know someone over a long period of time will do. She ended that relationship about six months ago, and it just seems like we keep getting closer. Knowing her the way I do now, I would definitely be interested in having an romantically intimate connection with her. Normally, I do not hesitate to act in these situations but for some reason I get real nervous thinking about it, probably because I really do value my friendship with her. I worry about the repercussions it will have on our friendship should it not go well, but at the same time I don't want to go on thinking what if. Any suggestions or similar experiences?

Have you two ever had that discussion "Imagine if we started dating..." or something like that? Has she ever acted like she's interested in you as anthing more than a friend since she ended her last relationship?

Maybe you can just try to feel it out in conversation before you say anything concrete, just to see where she is in her thoughts...it could be that she's having the same thoughts as you.

You never know unless you try, but to Lee's point, you don't want to mess up your friendship, so if you do go into this situation, make sure you go carefully and treat her like a lady.

[Direction]

Let the friend take the lead...sometimes we can create something more than there is...