[bertieb]

I figured out last night that I have never really enjoyed the present because I have always been looking toward the better life in the future. I was married 24 years and we were always chasing the next house, next child, next event, etc. My ex had 5 totally different careers, for which he got 2 different incompatible college degrees during our marriage and one military stint. I finally became the ex-wife as my husband discovered the "next" wife while embarking on a career in the middle east.

I am much better off now without him, however I have a new man in my life and all I can do is wonder what our future will hold and when. He has said for several months now he plans to spend the rest of his life with me and wants to get married when we can work out the details with our teenagers and separate homes and cities. We have dated a year, why am I in such a hurry to make it a marriage again? We've both only been divorced a little over a year. I want to put the husband/wife/house and family back together to feel safe and secure and loved. My mind says THEN I will be happy, but will I trust it to last even if married? Why can't I be satisfied and happy with myself RIGHT NOW as things are? I have a beautiful home, great job,friends, and kids, and a boyfriend who loves me and says he isn't going anywhere. Has anyone ever overcome the abandonment and security issues? Can I really find peace and love for just myself if I didn't have a spouse again? I am proud to say after divorce I got OFF zoloft all by myself and I'm trying desperately to remain medication free but this desire to control the future right now is getting to me!

[Direction]

Welcome to PC!

You seem to be very inciteful about what your past experiences may mean for you now. Enjoying the present, I would think, will be something to research and work on that will really help bring about a positive change in your thinking style.

I would also search for "mindfulness" as you research this.