[Thomas in Ohio]

To add to my other problems (sheesh!), I very recently discovered that a co-worker of mine, who I care a lot for, is in what is obviously an abusive relationship.

In addition to mental abuse, there have been at least two incidents (that she recounted to me) of physical abuse that could be considered felonies here in Ohio.

I really want to help her - she is one of the two people that I even remotely consider friends at my job.

I know the old adage "To help a person, they must first want to be helped", but I can't just stand by and just pray that nothing serious happens (she's got a young child w/ Autism).

In addition, she lives in another city about 45mins. away, so it's not like I can just go over and kick the living snot out of this oxygen thief, as much as I d like to. (Probably get me arrested, anyway)

This situation has put me in a funk for the last couple of days.

Looking for possibilities, here.

TiO.

Add: I can provide more details later - just got home from work, and need some sleep (if I can get it).

[Direction]

If she provided the information, it would seem at some level she wants help. I've never been in your situation...I guess I would provide some information about choices she has to help herself remove her and her son.

[Perna]

I would listen to what she has to say, occasionally ask her if you can help her in some way, but not otherwise "intervene". Unfortunately you only have her "stories" and they may be exaggerated and are definitely seen through her state of mind/filters. I'm not saying she is lying, only that it is impossible to know/help unless you ask if she would like help and she replies in the affirmative or if she asks you for help herself. I know my husband's first wife has told me stories about him which I'm quite positive are not "true". One can't get into it unless one is literally into it and sees/experiences it first hand I don't think.

Helping another adult with emotional abuse can be a bit of a slippery slope as adults are responsible for their own words/actions and taking that responsibility away from them is an error I think. Poor self esteem is not a good excuse for not protecting one's own boundaries and putting up with something one does not wish to. It's hard to know from our own vantage point whether another perceives their lives/stories the same way we do and what we see as "abuse" may not bother them or may not even be abuse in their context but just sound like abuse to us.

Next time she tells you a story that makes your alarms go off, tell her and ask her if she needs/would like help.

[Thomas in Ohio]

@ Direction -
I tend to agree.
I'm working on putting a few things together, but it'll take time (another city, another county, etc.).

@ Perna -
I know all too well, from one of my previous employments. "He said/she said" stuff was always a royal pain, and emotional abuse was harder than heck to prove.
However, in my co-worker's case, there was visible evidence of one of the incidents (I'll leave it at that), so I'm thinking that at least some of the stories may be true.
Also, I'll do my best to try your advice the next time I hear anything.

It's all SO BLASTED FRUSTRATING!!!