[growingtrust]

so i have been with my boyfriend for over a year now and in the beginning all he wanted to do was be with me and spend all his time with me and made sure i was happy. now, recently he joined a club where it will take up most of his free time and i feel like now he'd much rather spend his time with those people instead of me (both guys and girls). My problem now, is that i feel a little neglected and i feel like he chooses them over me. for example, i asked him to go out to dinner with me and he said "maybe, but i already told my "club" i was going to hang out with them" and what he meant by hanging out, is yes hanging out, but also drinking (with both guys and girls). this makes me uncomfortable and feel rejected. i know its wrong to make him my whole life and make him my everything, which i have. and now its hard to deal with the fact that he changed and isnt making me a priority anymore. this might sound a little selfish of me because i know healthy relationships require a life and friends outside of the actual relationship, which we do have a little of. i just feel now as if he isnt taking into consideration how i feel about him always being out and spending time and partying with them. Especially since he knows ive been through alot with my past relationship which turned me into someone i didnt want to become, a girlfriend who has trouble trusting because of being cheated on by my ex boyfriend of 5 years, my current boyfriend knows that i have trust issues and he knows how i feel about him being around other women and he was really accommodating and understanding for the first year, and after he joined this group, he did a total 180 on me. i feel like he became inconsiderate. ive tried to accept and suppress my feelings of jealousy and trust issues & ive actually learned to appreciate his outgoing nature. i just have issues and trouble knowing that he'll be around other people both guys & girls, drinking, and spending time with them, doing activites for the club (like overnight camping, 2 day trip where activities and games take place, and just things that make me uncomfortable) i have many issues with this..i would say trust, feeling left alone, feeling neglected...i know that i have to focus a little bit more on myself and not just on this relationship because now i feel as though we are not balanced. i feel as though i want to be around him now more than he does. its just not a good feeling. i cry almost everyday, if im not crying im mad, if not any of those i try to convince myself he would never hurt me and i jus get these thoughts running through my head of things that he might do while he's out with these people (thats what happens when you've been cheated on 3 times in the span of 5 years by a stupid ex boyfriend -__-) i dont even know how to feel anymore. sometimes i just wana give up. how should i go about this? i know its not just his fault and its not just my fault. i do have issues within myself that i know i have to imrpove and i can say i have been more trusting of him, but now i feel like he is taking me for granted and that he isnt being considerate of me or my feelings anymore

[Direction]

Welcome! I can feel the conflict going on inside you...I can certainly understand why you would feel neglected now that your boyfriend is spending time away. Now that you hopefully released some of the turmoil by posting, do you think you could approach him to share with him how the changes affect you? Do you think you could be a part of the activities? Not sure if you are a camper, but that would be a nice little adventure? Has he asked if you want to go to any of the activities? Yes, in a relationship we should have an outlet that is separate from our boy/girlfriend, some time for ourselfs, and time for the relationship. When one person doesn't see this as balanced (and that is different for anyone) you'll definately want to communicate that you feel that way...otherwise it will really strain the relationship.