[SoupDragon]

I posted in another one of my threads about an internet relationship I was considering. I met him on Saturday and although there was not sexual touching - I felt him look me up and down, he wanted me to kiss him on the lips - why didn't I say NO! He "accidently" put his hand on my knee when we sat down.

He insisted on holding my hand throughout the date - and now I cannot bear the feel of my hands touching each other - that feel of a hand on hand - I went to yoga last night and we were doing a pose where you hold your hands in prayer position - I just couldn't do this - I couldn't bear even the feel of my own hands against each other.

I couldn't get the smell of aftershave out of my head and I was given some useful tips to stop this (thanks to Jadedmoonbeam) - smelling another strong scent like vick. Wonder if anyone has any tips about the hand thing?

I had a very hard time Sunday night - was scared to go to sleep, but also scared of being awake as the dark thoughts had returned - I have had a T session this evening - that I really struggled in - now I am in my safe detached place, where I can switch off my brain - the one place that I felt safe in when things are hard is the place where we met - now I don't feel that I can go there again.

I am also really struggling to understand this huge reaction I have had - I feel like I have taken severl steps backwards.

[Direction]

I'm sorry that you seem to be in so much pain over this. Since you are reacting strongly it maybe best to explore with your therapist? Once you feel you've covered it...maybe you can hold onto a hand of someone you trust...I guess I'm thinking of my children or neices/nephews to bring back a more positive feeling from the experience of holding hands or touching or maybe start with a pet...

[lynn P.]

Sorry you're distressed from this ((SoupDragon)). Sorry I don't know your past history -do you know why you had this intense reaction? I would be uncomfortable with this considering he's basically a stranger.

To avoid this next time, I think you need to be comfortable with assertiveness - saying no compared to not saying anything and squirming inside. Remember it's your body and you can set boundaries. I hope you feel better and can get rid of this feeling.

[SoupDragon]

I am confused about my intense reaction, I am working through things with my T and am only just beginning to accept that maybe I suffered sexual abuse / assault in the past. I was married for 17 years and that relationship felt safe, so I guess it is something that I have not really faced before (used to drink a lot of alocohol before my marriage and also used to have to have a drink or two before having sex with my husband).

I rarely drink now, so maybe that has something to do with the events of Saturday - I felt so uncomfortable from the moment I met up with him and can't understand why I didn't just go home immediately or at least after a quick coffee - I feel I let myself down, let myself stay in a situation that I didn't want to be in. I wrote some stuff down for my T, but couldn't talk about it with him yesterday - my mind just kept going numb and switched off.

I still feel very "alert" today - the smallest thing can startle me - quite difficult to sleep, can't seem to settle to get off to sleep, then waking up early - I keep telling myself to calm down that it is OK and I am completely over-reacting - but something has been triggered in me.

Thanks for your replies. SD

Awwwwww SoupDragon
I'd send you a hug but non touching kind.
Just positive vibes and good thoughts.

now I cannot bear the feel of my hands touching each other - that feel
f a hand on hand - I went to yoga last night and we were doing a pose where you hold your hands in prayer position - I just couldn't do this - I couldn't bear even the feel of my own hands against each other

.


I don't know where you live, but where I am it's quite warm. i'm thinking about, just a suggestion, getting in the ocean or a lake or some large body of water to just float around in for a bit. sometimes water is a nice place to go (if you can swim, that is) to feel kind of cleansed and peaceful. Just a thought.

I felt so uncomfortable from the moment I met up with him and can't understand why I didn't just go home immediately or at least after a quick coffee - I feel I let myself down, let myself stay in a situation that I didn't want to be in.

Please stop beating yourself up. You had a phone relationship with this guy and you felt like you could trust him. Plus it was your first time dating after being in a very long term relationship. You didn't do anything wrong.

I think the good things are that
You recognized that he was bad and didn't let things go too far.
You recognize you are having a strong reaction and are asking for advice, whether it's from us or T...it's still good.
You are open to looking at your past differently.
This is all great stuff and you should celebrate these things rather than knocking down everything you think you're doing wrong. We're only human.