[JWSoxFan]

There's this cute girl that I know...I only know her online, but we've known each other for a few years now, and we're pretty good friends.

Anyway, her first real relationship was long-distance, and she was with this guy (with visits back and forth) for five years..and was going to marry him. She came to find out that this guy was cheating on her, and she was unable to break away from him, because she was his emotional slave. (Don't ask my how, just saying what she told me). Anyway, she met this other guy...who helped her break it off and dump him...but despite it all, she still loves her ex.

She loves this other guy, but because of how miserable she was and because she has some serious abandonment issues from her father dying when she was a kid, she tends to get obsessive and jealous over her boyfriends. From that, I think she has Separation Anxiety Disorder.

So she's just 'friends with benefits' with this guy, even though she loves him. Problem is...this guy has a girlfriend and is playing with my friend and 2 others besides her, and chasing a fourth.

I want her for myself...I know I'd be a million times better for her than either of those other two jerks, but she just wants to be friends. Because she doesn't have any feelings for me. But she won't LET herself because of all the trauma in her past, and because she doesn't want to 'lose' what she has with this guy. I'm worried she'll get sick or pregnant or something and want to help her as well as have her to myself. She sees him on certain days, and whenever I know she's been with him, the thought of them doing...things...just tears me up inside...it hurts like nothing I've ever felt.

Recently, she's expressed a desire to be out of this situation...though she still wants to be friends with benefits with this guy. But her best friend has told the guy how she really feels, and I think the guy might start pulling away from her.

I'm sorry this is so long...but this is really complex and is depressing me a lot. I'm a big guy, and the reason I'm so stuck on her is because so far, she's the only woman who's ever completely accepted me for who I am...and that means everything to me. I mean she even called me cute! So..basically I just want to try to make things work.

[arcangel]

From what you've written, you sound like a nice guy. This woman you've described doesn't seem to be attracted to nice guys.
Unless you are a nice guy who is attracted to women who like jerks then it seems like the wisest thing to do is drop any ideas of a relationship with this woman.

I hope it works out for you.

[Open Eyes]

Well, JW, you cant make someone love you. I know it is hard when you really care for someone else and it does hurt you. Perhaps you need to stop seeing her and it seems like she is using you to vent or talk to. If anything you could be candid with her and let her know that you really do love her and if she turns you away than break it off. You are torturing youself, and arcangel is right, it sounds like you are a nice guy and nice guys are hard to find, you deserve better.

Unfortunately this girl is putting herself in this spot, if you have talked to her about it and been honest and she still wont listen than take a walk away from her.

Open Eyes