[madisgram]

helping a friend get on her financial feet after divorce. i had friends help me after a diviorce so wanted to "pay it forward". i agreed the first 6 months plus one free month for her to pay me all total $400/mo. (she has about 1500 sq.ft. my personal living area is the same footage.) she said that was all she could afford. she eats out everyday with friends and plays as much if not more than she works. she's an independent contractor so makes her own hours.
i don't like to have a resentment. but that is how i feel. because i thought that was all she could pay i agreed. now all this socializing, spending money, having a savings account i am of the impression i am being used. rant, rant.
of course i have an out. raising her rent when her lease with me is up in august. there's no way she could find a better deal tho even if i raise her rent. a bedroom/bath rental here goes for $550 and up. here she has 2 bedrooms,bath and living room area of her own. she's a balker so don't think the discussion re upping the rent will go smoothly. worry, worry. i can have a sharp fuse myself but only when there's not a willingness to meet me halfway. don't want this to make me feel uncomfortable but know it will. any suggestions re how i can get thru this upping her rent and not feeling like i'm the bad guy? a way to present to her that i'm upping the rent and not feeling badly? intellectually i know i'm not the bad guy but already know her reaction will make me feel uncomfortable anyway. in her life she's always allowed others to carry her in some way, mother, brothers, ex-husband. i was of the impression from her she wanted to stand on her own 2 feet now, start a new beginning as i did once. seems like i'm contributing to is her worry free life, too. feel lied to and used.
i can live indepentantly BTW. guess i'm sad re what's going on. mad at myself for believing her. shot myself in my own foot again.
any suggestions would be appreciated.

[Direction]

I would be sad over this too...it would be healthy of you to sit down and tell her how this all feels.

[NuckingFutz]

Lets look at the big picture here. You mentioned she has lived off other people and has plenty of money and spends and saves but not on rent it appears.

Ask yourself, in what condition financially has this situation put you in? Are you loosing money with her as a roommate? Is she paying her fair share of food, utilities, etc?

If it's not financial resentment, is it that you work harder and she's getting off easy? Perhaps raising the rent (use utilities as back up) is the answer. If she balks, are you tip toeing around her all the time? I think you should be making a profit for sharing your home with a roommate.

Hang in there.

Originally Posted by madisgram

helping a friend get on her financial feet after divorce. i had friends help me after a diviorce so wanted to "pay it forward". i agreed the first 6 months plus one free month for her to pay me all total $400/mo. (she has about 1500 sq.ft. my personal living area is the same footage.) she said that was all she could afford. she eats out everyday with friends and plays as much if not more than she works. she's an independent contractor so makes her own hours.
i don't like to have a resentment. but that is how i feel. because i thought that was all she could pay i agreed. now all this socializing, spending money, having a savings account i am of the impression i am being used. rant, rant.
of course i have an out. raising her rent when her lease with me is up in august. there's no way she could find a better deal tho even if i raise her rent. a bedroom/bath rental here goes for $550 and up. here she has 2 bedrooms,bath and living room area of her own. she's a balker so don't think the discussion re upping the rent will go smoothly. worry, worry. i can have a sharp fuse myself but only when there's not a willingness to meet me halfway. don't want this to make me feel uncomfortable but know it will. any suggestions re how i can get thru this upping her rent and not feeling like i'm the bad guy? a way to present to her that i'm upping the rent and not feeling badly? intellectually i know i'm not the bad guy but already know her reaction will make me feel uncomfortable anyway. in her life she's always allowed others to carry her in some way, mother, brothers, ex-husband. i was of the impression from her she wanted to stand on her own 2 feet now, start a new beginning as i did once. seems like i'm contributing to is her worry free life, too. feel lied to and used.
i can live indepentantly BTW. guess i'm sad re what's going on. mad at myself for believing her. shot myself in my own foot again.
any suggestions would be appreciated.

It's a tough situation to be in - i don't blame you for feeling uncomfortable, lied to and used - I would too.

Maybe you can go out to dinner, somewhere neutral to have a conversation....something you plan in advance for yourself...and maybe you can make it more about you instead of her so that it's less uncomfortable, so say that you really feel good that you could help her in her time of need, but now your situation has changed and you

a) need the space back
or
b) need to charge her more money

Whichever you feel more comfortable with would work and maybe she can have someone else help her live worry free, but it doesn't have to be you anymore.

Hope that helps!