[rubyindie]

pls help me understand how emotional abuse in a marriage works our way in to our lives redering us almost paralysed and helpless. and it affects both rich and poor, educated and not so educated, all over the world. i want to understand how this happens so i can relive it from a third person point of view and make it less painful to handle now.
lotsa love.
good work guys at PC

[Perna]

You can't relive from afar. Reliving only works when you understand yourself better and can re-evaluate and put a different perception on what you experienced the first time.

Emotional abuse of any kind can only work when we accept what another says about us. It can be common for children to have this problem because they are "trapped" in having to live with their family, they are not adults and can't go out and change their situation on their own. Too, children have not had the experiences and time to get to know themselves well enough to learn how to counter other people's negative treatment of them. If one knows one's self well and is a friend to one's self, one can shrug off negative treatment as meaningless or decide they do not like being around it and work to "move away" from it.

[rubyindie]

@perna correctly said. thats the mistake i did.i accept. but there is a another aspect that i would like to explore here. in our country esp in conservative families we are bound by expectations from our families and communities to make things work out. the shame and aprrehension of having to support the girl emotionally and financially( working for the woman is not greatly encouraged, i know ! but its thankfully on the decline now) forces her to try harder and work her way around problems than having the option to quit and start over. i had some things working for me, but i guess there are other women for whom the odds of starting over is less. i had the support of friends and family and i didnt have baby to worry abt.
being an optimist is one being a stubborn eternal optimist is what broke my back, i thot he had most of the anxiety issues and kept counselling him and encouraging him to get him out of the depression pit. before long i realised he didnt want to get out instead was only dragging me in with him, trying to make me a replica of himself. my resistance to that was the source of many a tiff.

i understand i have to know myself a lot better and make peace and be glad with what i am. i am done with the disguises and want to start living 'me' everyday!