[madisgram]

Inside the Abusive Mind

They are not much different from one another...
Abusive people typically think they are unique, so different from other people that they don't have to follow the same rules as everyone else. But actually, abusers have a lot in common with one another and share a great many thinking patterns and behaviors. These may include:

Success Fantasies: The abuser believes in fantasies of being rich, famous, or extremely successful in other terms if only other people weren't holding her back. They're blocking the way makes the abuser feel justified in getting back at them, including through abuse. The abuser also puts other people down as a way of building their self up.
Blaming: The abuser shifts responsibility for certain actions to others, which allows the abuser to be angry at the other person for "causing" the behavior....
http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/men/page8.htm

[rubyindie]

Originally Posted by madisgram

Inside the Abusive Mind

They are not much different from one another...
Abusive people typically think they are unique, so different from other people that they don't have to follow the same rules as everyone else. But actually, abusers have a lot in common with one another and share a great many thinking patterns and behaviors. These may include:

Success Fantasies: The abuser believes in fantasies of being rich, famous, or extremely successful in other terms if only other people weren't holding her back. They're blocking the way makes the abuser feel justified in getting back at them, including through abuse. The abuser also puts other people down as a way of building their self up.
Blaming: The abuser shifts responsibility for certain actions to others, which allows the abuser to be angry at the other person for "causing" the behavior....
http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/men/page8.htm

must read for all women and men dealing with confusion in controlling and constrictive relationships. if you identify with this( after good thought and verfication) you really need to think things thru about your worth and need to contnue. from my experience with such abusers, run before your well-to-do mind turns into mush. everyone deserves a fair life. god bless

[StrongerMan]

I wrote up a well crafted reply but the internet monster ate it before I could post. That is such a good feeling... Ughhh. Forgot to copy to clipboard as I went along.

Once we learn WHAT exactly the abuser does, we naturally want to know WHY they do it. I used to blame abusers in my life but now realize they are only doing what they learned as abused or abandoned children. They are not thinking when they abuse. Their need for control and their behavior to reTain or reGain it is about fear and self preservation. A defense mechanism, plain and simple. Hating them or blaming them does no good. We, as adult victims, have 2 choices. We must either make them stop or leave them. Sadly, the former is often impossible.