I have been crying because of this issue. I'm fed up. Everyone gets a boyfriend but me... no I don't have one... Yeah, I'm shy and I'm not attractive. I have thought in the past that if I don't get a boyfriend or get married, I might kill myself by drinking dangerous cleaning products such as bleach. I'm not going to do it but I just feel like a mistake. People just mess me about. Maybe I should become a prostitute. That is what I am really here for I am a loner. I might as well be on my own for the rest of my life. I am not suppose to be here on this earth. I don't have the confidence, I don't know much. I am not good at anything. I failed at work experience, so I might not be good in jobs. I tried to apply for a job but I didn't get it. Why is it doom for me? What have I done? So I might as well be alone ... That's what I'm really suppose to be... I need to suffer...

[Miss Laura]

Hey HappyCheeks,

Me again

Ok so you haven't got a B/F right now.... so what!! Relationships are not the bee all and end all of life. You have so much more in life to give. You talk quite openly about all your achievments. You are strong.

When I was your age I never had a B/F... My 1st B/F was at the age of 24 and to this date I have never had sex. Yes it gets me down as I think I am missing out on a lot of stuff but really am I? No... I will gte there in my own time.

You are being really hard on yourself... and I think you know it. Have you ever had a B/F? Do you think boys are this high above power? You are so much better than that.

Please do not do anything to harm yourself... I know you won't but please remember we need you around on here

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Hey HappyCheeks,

Me again

Ok so you haven't got a B/F right now.... so what!! Relationships are not the bee all and end all of life. You have so much more in life to give. You talk quite openly about all your achievments. You are strong.

When I was your age I never had a B/F... My 1st B/F was at the age of 24 and to this date I have never had sex. Yes it gets me down as I think I am missing out on a lot of stuff but really am I? No... I will gte there in my own time.

You are being really hard on yourself... and I think you know it. Have you ever had a B/F? Do you think boys are this high above power? You are so much better than that.

Please do not do anything to harm yourself... I know you won't but please remember we need you around on here

I suppose there is more to life than boyfriends. Thanks for cheering me up

[lynn P.]

Excellent advice from Miss Laura. ((happycheeks)) - when I was your age I didn't have a BF. I was also very shy and struggled with my self esteem. Unfortunately for me I ended up meeting my now husband. My shyness and self esteem issues made me gravitate to a person who had some poor qualities, but I didn't see the red flags. When we're young, often relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be.

Now that I'm older I more wise and I wish I knew then what I know now. I know you have a therapist and she/he can help you with your shyness. I struggled with mine on my own - wish I had help. What I'm trying to say is, be careful not to choose a domineering type or settle for the 1st person who pays attention to you.

You have lots of time for BF's and the more mature you are, the better you'll be able to handle a relationship. There are many ups and downs in having a relationship and a person should be in a healthy frame of mind first. A man won't be the end all in determining your self worth or happiness. You're more than who you're partnered with. It will happen one day and I hope he'll be a kind man who'll respect you and make you happy.

[palemoss]

hey gurl dont say such hurtful things about yourself.

i feel you. i am single and it sucks. all my friends are dating, and i have had a string of casualities in the dating world. but dont worry IT GETS BETTER. trust me. you dont want to really kill yourself because of that! there is a special someone for everyone out there in the world.

[Sunna]

(((happycheeks)))
I have just read an article about Cleopatra in National Geographic. Our cultural tale of her is that she was the most beautiful woman in the world at that time, we think she must have been to seduce both Ceasar AND Mark Anthony.
But apparently she was not. Her contemporaries were quite smitten with her but not on account of her looks. It was her intelligence, education, poise, temperament, and how she spoke. These two powerful men could have had any pretty girl they wanted, yet they have fallen for her. She had no equal, but she would never have won any beauty pageants.

Why do I think this matters?

Because girls today are being destroyed by the myth that looks is all that matters about them, that if they are not pretty enough, they may as well go off themselves, and if they don't have boyfriends they clearly are not pretty enough to justify using up our planet's oxygen. This is a vicious, destructive lie, my dear. Whenever you have these thoughts about being not attractive enough, and what it means that you have no boyfriend, please think about Cleopatra, please take a deep breath, straighten up. You are not ugly, and you are still growing up. You have a choice to cultivate your inner queen, or let the vicious lies like this keep stealing the wind from under your wings.

[Visioneer]

Oh my goodness... you are so, so young. You have so much time. Don't be afraid of that. Things can change very quickly.

If you are worried about not being able, or worthy, boost your confidence by finding something you enjoy, for YOU, not for anyone else. Stick with therapy and work on coping skills and look toward the future. Join a club or activity group - practice being with other people (I need to do that too!), maybe your therapist can help you choose something that would work. Volunteer if you have time, it is fulfilling. Push your boundaries a bit at a time.

You can use the time that you are single to work on things to improve your life for the future. The more you live for yourself, the more confident you will become, and relationships will come along. Make sure you are ready first!

I'm 30 and single, and I've been through several relationships that were pretty miserable. You don't want that. I've been missing out all this time because I was so focused on having someone in my life that I forgot to put ME in it.

You've got twelve years to work on getting to a better place than I am now. Make the best of it. Good luck

happycheeks, it would be a huge mistake if you committed suicide based on the feeling that you should have a boyfriend by now.

"Love" gets built up as everything in a lot of our popular culture, and while i have no doubt you'll eventually find a partner, there is more to life.

[Perna]

I got married when I was 39! You never know when "it" is going to happen, just keep working to become the best person you can and that will attract love.

[farmgal]

Hugs Happycheeks. You are so young and have so much yet to experience. I got married at 21 and now, 27 yeas later I think, "wow! I got married way too young!" My daughter is 26 and has never been in love. It is hard for her at times, but she concentrates on her education and volunteering. She loves helping people and she has the most diverse group of friends of anyone I know! So much can change in a year! We never would have guessed in a million years she would be at college getting her bachelor's degree on account of her disabilities. But she is. So, happycheeks, hang in there and keep looking forward. Boyfriends are DEFINITELY not all there is to life! There are so many exciting things out there for you to discover. What do you love to do? What makes your heart excited when you think about it? Travel? Publishing a novel someday? Photography? Whatever it is, concentrate on that and go for it. Everything else will fall into place!

I remember when I was 19 or something i was at home alone listening to a cover of "I want to know what love is" and it got me all sad and stuff. I was convinced i was going to be alone all my life.

It's easy to get depressed about stuff like that at that age.