[Melinae]

I suppose I should not be getting annoyed by these comments from people, which are kind in nature.

But I feel annoyed.

Even though I do it myself, I no longer understand why people say: "I hope you are well"; "I hope you are doing better than before."

Does it make anyone else angry?

It feels like they do not want you to be sad, down, upset - ever, because it makes them uncomfortable. So when the **** hits the fan and you want to reach out to someone, doing so is like walking on eggshells because you know that you will greatly discomfort those that want to see nothing but a smile on your face. Hey - sadness is a natural part of me, too!

Help me understand this?

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

People typically say "I hope you are well" or "I hope you are doing better than before" to show concern, that they do wish you were not so down and do wish you were feeling better. Online you can't say "Hey how are you" in these threads as easily as chat, so when saying "I hope you are well" I believe most people are posting because they know it wont be responded to as quickly as in chat and genuinely do wish you the best

[Sunna]

I agree with you that people are usually uncomfortable with others pain, and "I hope you are better" may express that. The discomfort is our empathy. The discomfort is our helplessness. There is usually nothing we can do to change your reality, so we offer you a wish, a prayer, a hope, and know it is pretty much worthless. What is "my prayers are with you" going to do to a person who lost her beloved? Resurect? And yet it comes from the heart, not from a selfish mind. But people do feel angry sometimes at those well wishers, just for the very reason that all that wishing can't make things right, and that can be understood too.

If you help someone and it makes you feel better, does it mean that your ONLY motivation was selfishness?

When I was young I believed that was the case. I argued for a year with my ethic's professor that that is so. He won. In great brief: the test is in what comes first, what impulse? Is it "this person/living thing needs help" or is it "I can do something here to make myself feel grander" ?

Have you seen that story on the news whem a dog got its head stuck in the wal?. You could see in the poor dog's eyes its panic, its fear, and then hope when people came and started helping. And did you feel happiness when the dog was freed. Yet, it's all happened some time in the past, to some dog we don't know, we weren't there. We had NO part in it. There was no selfishness. That is empathy in action. Or at least this is how I see things. You have a right to see them differently.

But, there are people, usually those close to us, who get worn out by our constant state of no-improvement, by hearing the same story, by being helpless to do anything, and they start avoiding our pain, and that IS selfish, but I don't believe people here would ever tell you, "we heard your story already, aren't you better yet?"

[shezbut]

Hi

I agree with both of the posters above.

It can feel completely unreal to us at times ~ the reality being that we are simply a piece of lint on this Earth. Other people who haven't ever met us in this world cannot possibly care to the extent that we wish they could. We are nothing.

Thoughts like the ones listed above can be overwhelming at times. But they are NOT the full story. They are simply a little piece of our hopelessness. Instead of viewing things with a grain of salt, we're using about a pound of salt! We argue against every positive point that others try to bring up to us. We see ourselves as being the realistic ones, when the fact is that we are avoiding that we see many positive truths every day.

Sunna, above, made a terrific point about hoping that the dog can be rescued. There is no benefit to us, either way, if we went by our "realistic point of view". Not true. Because the dog is rescued & we are emotionally relieved. We feel happy that the dog and it's family aren't suffering. We had no connection whatsoever, but it does have an impact on us emotionally regardless.

So while it may seem as though other people cannot truly care about us, we are very wrong! When you acknowledge that, it helps life seem a lot less hopeless than it did before. That fact keeps me here on Earth when I am tempted, because other people's deaths (people I haven't really known without cyber-space) really did bring me down. I was very sad. I did care! I wouldn't want other people to struggle even more with these feelings if I were to end my own misery.

I don't know if I went too far in my perspective. I hope not! Sadness is a part of life, yes. There are so many incredibly depressing parts of life, we kind of have to point out the positives that we do see. Just to remind ourselves that there ARE still good things happening. They often don't make the news, or movies. But good things are happening around us. We just have to open our eyes a little wider and avoid some of the darkness to keep going.