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#1
Aug 09, 2011, 06:49 AM
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I feel like I'm far more depressed when I'm not in a relationship. I really don't like this about myself and wish that I could be happy without depending on someone to make it happen. On the other hand, relationships make me extremely nervous and confused. I feel like I'm going to do something wrong all the time and I'm never sure if I'm being too affectionate or giving too much space.
Right now, I'm in a relationship. He and I have been together for a month and he makes me pretty happy. However, it seems like I always come second to him. He's always busy with friends and going to parties. With my anxiety and everything, I tend to spend all of my time at home. He's aware of this and told me he would make time for me. Finally, I brought up how I was feeling and he said he was sorry. He really seems to want to make things work, but I'm not sure if he can. He's young (18 and I'm soon to be 21), still in high school, and a little immature. He's also a near perfect match for me. I feel like the real problem is myself. I worry way too much! I have trouble expressing my worries, as well. So, first, how do I stop worrying? Second, how do I learn to talk to him about what's troubling me? And third, how can I stop being so dependent?!
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--moonlight dances, a morbid sight; to forget not forgive my own dance alike--
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#2
Aug 09, 2011, 07:20 AM
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Quote:
It's still pretty early in the relationship and he may not be prepared or have enough life experience to give you what you need from him. Always put yourself first. It's best to find out sooner than later - I'd be wary if I already felt this way after only a month of being with someone.
__________________
As I lay down in bed each night I look up at the stars and wonder "where the heck is my ceiling?"  |
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#3
Aug 09, 2011, 01:15 PM
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I'd recommend a therapist or even the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. I've used it a little and have liked what I did use. It comes extremely highly rated. One or both of those tools might be able to help you with your anxiety; understanding it, controlling it, and expressing it.
A side note, I found that when my now fiance and I were dating long distance, I was a lot more depressed and anxious, but when we moved in together, my mental health really improved. Now, I'm not sure if that has to do with the fact that we were finally together, or if I was feeling more adult because we were living together in an apartment as opposed to me living alone in college dorms, I don't really know. Perhaps I simply got a huge confidence boost having him next to me. I've found that anxiety and depression tend to come with low self esteem and self confidence as side dishes. I think if you can work on these two things, maybe through therapy or journaling or positive affirmations, you might find that you feel less dependent on others for you own feelings of self worth. When you feel you are worthy of love, you might find that it is easier to talk about your emotions with less fear and anxiety. Good luck and take care! |
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#4
Aug 09, 2011, 07:14 PM
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Hello, Dahliaxx. Have you watched this presentation by Brene Brown:
Dr. Brown talks about the power of vulnerability. She addresses issues you are dealing with. |
 porcupine2
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