How do you get past an abusive relationship?

It's been 3 years since I've been on a real date and I'm scared. Prior to that, I was in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. He had me convinced that I would never amount to anything and that I would never find anyone else that would want me. I would catch him cheating and it got turned around on me in such a way that I was apologizing to him.

Thanks to some wonderful friends and family, I finally got out. Granted, it took a lot to get me out.

I knew that I couldn't just jump in and find someone new. I was smart enough for that. But now, 3 years later, I know I would like to try. I even have a crush on a customer where I work and my crew tells me that they think he flirts with me when he comes in. I don't see it! But I was never good at that sort of thing. When I like a guy, I turn into such a dork! But my ex's voice still lingers in the back of my head telling me that my crush would never be into me because of what I look like, where I work, my weight, etc.

I want my life to start again. I'm 35 years old and I want my old self esteem back. I am so scared that too much longer and I am going to be by myself forever.

Has anyone else gone through this or does anyone have any advice???

dont worry girl. but first you need to take time off and understand yourself. see what u appreciate in yourself- your looks and certain features,your mind your personality, because these are the things that are more likely to be enhanced when you work that chemistry with that someone. and that is what is likely to be noticed. know that u are unique in this world and there are people who are worse off than most of us who get and know they deserve to get love because of how beautiful they are on the inside. getting those nagging thoughts out of your head from u'r ex is difficult but here is how i get over similar thoughts from my ex. i consider them as they should be considered- these are thoughts from a nag who has no idea about his own toxic nature how in the world does he get the right to make statements about someone he hardly tried to understand?
the trick i guess is to know that u are special and feel confident and happy in your skin, no matter how absurd it may look on you. know what u want and know what u dont want in a relationship and stick to it. being confident has the added benefit of throwing off those jerks who are only trying to feed off the innocence and goodness of your heart. dont let yourself be bullied by old thoughts. it does not matter if u take more time, atleast u can be sure u dont end up in worse situation and that you will if u run ahead in panic. stay cool and confident. the world will only pick up what you throw out for it. TC

Is the problem more that you are afraid to trust another man or is it because your self esteem is low and you don't feel like you deserve a good man?

I think it's both really. He just destroyed me. And I get so mad at myself thinking about it because never in my life did I think I would let another person do that to me. I think I've always had trust issues, because of family issues, dad abandon me really. But once I learned who he really was, I realized I was better off without him. But my ex killed a part of me. I am not saying that I think every man is evil. I know my ex was a douchebag and an alcoholic. And I know deep down that he did these things to me because he is the weak person. Part of me wonders if I just silently forgive him, not forget what he did, but forgive him, can I move on? Does that make sense?

And yes, my self esteem is low. I know that. But I've been dealing with that and working on saying to everyone, I am who I am. I have been falling in love with myself again slowly, and I know that is the first step.

Thank you for your kind words. I wonder if people realize that just kind words can make a difference?

I have been working on getting to know myself again. And I think I do. I sort of came up with a new motto tonight, "The more attitude you give, the more attitude you get." I'm playing it 2 ways, give me poor attitude, the more that is returned. Give me good attitude, the more that is returned. And I've been practicing that with myself as well. I don't always knock myself down if I mess something up. He was good at pointing out all the stuff I did wrong. I just need to work on my confidence with the opposite sex. As far as taking time out, I honestly feel like I have done that. I come home at night to an empty apartment, and it kills me. I have had good relationships and I miss the butterflies I would have thinking about someone. I thought to myself at work tonight that maybe this crush I am having right now was a way for me to see that there is still someone out there. I just have to be ready for the simple rejection that may come with finding the one.

@say anythng mn i belive u r getting there - trusting yourself, and becoming more and more confident and pleased and content about what ever u r, with your great points and also with you'r not so so good side. i believe that god made each one of us differently so that we can wonder about the amazing combinations of characteristics people are made of or the world would have been filled with realy BORING clones if he had decided to churn out everyone in the same mould!!
there is something special inside u that will be your calling your mission in life( something that makes u really happy in life), follow that. and when u do u will meet like minded people and maybe u will find you'r calling in that special relationship. now it may be difficult to not find someone to hold u but with the right pair of glasses u will be able to see the one , in time! u are wiser and stronger and know what u need and what u dont, from learning from prev relationships, use it! use it to understand yourself and the next person and be realistic, it help reduce the pain of disappointment. and dont forget to thank the graces in your life u have a job, apartment etc. think of the less unfortunate ones and say a lil prayer for them who knows , u might recieve the blessing instead. you're getting there........