So angry right now at him

So I have a "friend" who has a drinking problem. I call him my "friend" because we are somehow more than friends, but not in a relationship. Long story, but that is not what I'm going to talk about.

This friend doesn't believe he is an alcoholic, but I think he is. We are both in college, but I am 28 and he is 33. He says that he wants to not drink, but when ever he is with his friends that is usually what he will do. He was doing good for awhile, but lately he has not been staying very sober.

So at the time I am writing this it is almost 4am on a Tuesday morning. He has class in the morning and so do I. I have a final on Wednesday that is going to be incredibly hard. He reminds me everyday to study and even sometimes calls me before class to make sure I am awake and on my way there. When he's sober he can be pretty sweet.

However, I am supposed to be asleep right now. Yet, he decided to go see his friends and go out drinking. At 3am I get a text from him telling me to pick him up at some place I have never been to an hour away. I was furious. For some reason he thinks I am going to pick him up since he's been drinking as though I am his little personal assistant. When he is sober school is his first priority, but as soon as he drinks everything goes right out the window, especially any respect for me.

He called me and for the first time that we have known each other I yelled at him. He knows he shouldn't be drinking. He has already has one DUI. His parents will be furious if they find out he's been drinking and he wants me to take him home so they won't know. I can't believe his lack of disrespect for me and himself.

After we hung up and I told him I wasn't going to pick him up he texted me, "thanks, jerk." Then half an hour later he texted me back, "Our friendship is no longer backbone. I will pay you back for Carolina. Don't Worry." In less than two weeks we are supposed to spend 2 days in North Carolina together. I know he is drunk, so I don't know if he really means the last text. He has done other stupid things drunk and called the next day to apologize. I'm thinking he is just trying to manipulate me into picking him up because he knows I really like him and want to go to NC with him. He's such a jerk when he's drunk.

I didn't text him back either time because I refuse to talk/text him when he is drunk. He knows the next two days are going to be really busy and really hard for me, but when he is drunk he doesn't care. It is all about him. I am scared he doesn't want to be my "friend" anymore, but obviously his drinking is more important to him then anything else.

I am just so mad right now. I can't fall back to sleep. He better call me tomorrow and apologize. I feel like punching him right in the face.

Hi ~ I'm a recovering alcoholic, so I know about some of these things. LOL

First, there's NOTHING you can do about someone who wants to drink. No one can make them stop -- THEY have to want to stop drinking more than anything else. No amount of nagging, griping, bribing, talking, etc., is going to make any difference. It's like talking to a brick wall. When he has hit his "bottom" he'll quit -- IF he ever hits bottom. Some people never get there, and die first. I hope he's not one of them.

Secondly, don't pick him up anymore. You can't enable this guy. The more you do, the more he'll use you. Don't take his calls when you suspect he's been drinking. Don't even text him --- you can't make sense to a drunk anyway. It might be helpful if you went to a few Al-Anon meetings, to learn how to deal with a drunk. These meetings are VERY helpful -- you won't regret it.

I'd think twice about taking that trip with him -- and I hope he's not driving!!! Chances are your trip will be one long drink-a-thon. I doubt you'll enjoy yourself much. And don't believe him when he says he'll pay you back for Carolina -- he said that when he was drinking -- and chances are he won't "waste" the money paying you back when he could use it for booze. That's the way alcoholic's think.

You don't have to accept his apology either -- he keeps doing the same things expecting different results. I think I'd back off on this "friendship" until this guy decides to stop drinking. It will hurt less.

God bless & take care!! Hugs, Lee

Thanks Lee. Don't worry, I've never picked him up while he was drunk. I told him I'm not going to help him hide his drinking from his parents.

Right now I don't know what is going to happen in the future. It is a shame. He can be so nice and responsible and then one drink makes him go awry. He can have a great future, but he always let's the drinking get in the way. I know I can't do anything to help him if he doesn't want help. It just makes me sad.