[nina7738]

Hi All,

I needed some feedback regarding a depressed man I was dating recently. Basically, we knew each other for years and had been seeing each other for about 3 months. He is 34, I am 30. He was regularly reaching out and making plans with me. Everything was going great and he invited me to his birthday party. We spent the night out with his friends and family. He had been drinking for most of the night. We got back to his place with his brother and he started to act in a way that I never saw before - talking fast and all over the place, repeating himself, changing movies like 3 times in one hour, couldn't really keep still. I thought maybe he was just drunk and hyper, but then his behavior took a drastic turn.

We decided to go to bed and he suddenly became really sad talking about his family, etc. Then he said he had something he wanted to tell me - that he struggled with depression since he was young, took medication, and sees a psychiatrist. I was totally shocked - this is a guy who has always been very outgoing, social, has a job that he regularly must go out with clients, etc. He was practically in tears telling me how he has never told anyone about this - he pretends in front of all his friends and none of the women he ever dated knew. The only people who know are his family. He said he does not want to be seen as "weak" to me or anyone else. I did my best to listen and be supportive. We talked about it for awhile and then fell asleep. When I left the next morning, all was normal. We didn't discuss it any further. Within a week of this, he stopped reaching out to me - no texts, no making plans - completely stopped contact. If I text him, he will reply almost immediately, but does not reach out first or ask me to hang out anymore. i have not seen him since the birthday, nearly four months ago. I did not want to put pressure on him and ask him to meet up, I tried once to make plans and he ended up backing out at the last minute. I have now decided to leave the ball in his court and stop reaching out.

Needless to say, I'm totally confused - the night of his birthday, he told my best friend that he was head over heels for me, would do anything for me...was calling me his "girl" all night to all his friends and now he has seemingly fallen off the face of the earth.

My question, is why do you think he would do this - embarrassment? Fear of getting close? i just don't get it and am so disappointed. The night he told me about depression, he said how much he likes me, thinks about me all the time, etc - so I can't really imagine he's just suddenly lost all interest in me.

I tried to confront him about why he disappeared - and asked if all was ok since the birthday, that he seemed distant and his response was, "Nothing is wrong". I said, should I stop reaching out? I don't want to bother you, and he replied, "Why would you ever say that to me?" Like, he couldn't believe I was confused!
That was nearly a month ago and still nothing from him. I know how hard it was for him to tell me about his depression. I don't know why he would tell me, then disappear. I wanted to be there for him, as we were really just starting to get close (or so it seemed).

Any feedback you can give me regarding why he would do this and what I should do next would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

[FeelingHopeful]

Do you think he could be suffering with bipolar disorder?im sorta going through something similiar could i pm you

[IceCreamKid]

I don't think you have gotten the whole story yet.

[nina7738]

Yeah I don't think I have gotten the whole story either. I've been friends with him for many years and its just a shame from that perspective that he's done such a 180.

FeelingHopeful - sure you can pm me.

[uncomfortablynumb]

Is it possible he's seeing someone else? At his birthday party, was he doing drugs? That manic behavior is indicative of drug use...specifically coke. Really manic, then crashed. But then again, maybe he was drinking red bull and vodka. That nights episode I believe is seperate from whatever his psychosis is. Maybe he doesn't feel good about himself and feels you are better than him. I have felt that before.

[nina7738]

We were only casually dating, so he could have been seeing someone else. We've been friends for many years, however, and always in touch so this was a total 180.
I didn't actually see any drugs at the party, so IDK - I only saw him drink beer.