[bertieb]

I got married last month after a surprise divorce in early 2010. I dated the man I married about a year and a half and I have a 14 year old daughter. She likes him fine and they have a good relationship but the problem is we moved into his house, about 15 miles away from our old home. I let her stay in her school system with her friends but she is miserable and says she hates living in his house and our new town. I've told her I will drive her anywhere anytime and she can have friends over whenever she wants but that doesn't help. She is mostly moody, hateful and rude to me. I can't tease her at all or try to say anything funny. Yesterday she made a gallon of lemonade and didn't want me to have a glass because it was "hers". I pointed out the milk on her cereal was purchased by me and that set her off. There are a few spurts of friendship when she wants something but otherwise I get on her nerves. In some ways I guess it is typical teen hormones and mother-daughter stuff but I can't help but feel so hurt and guilty over the big change I put her through. She knows my divorce was not my choice and that her dad chose to move away to another state but I get the cold shoulder and he gets off with a free pass. I love her so much and hate to see her hurting so I bend over backwards giving her a beautiful bedroom and catering to her but it doesn't help. I just don't know how to handle it. I've told her it is hard on me adjusting to the move and the changes too and that I understand but of course she doesn't care. Do I just give her space and try to ignore how she treats me for now or do I try to insist on a little respect and appreciation for my feelings? I don't know whether to avoid her or keep trying to make her happy anymore. I just know I'm sad when this should have been a happy time.

[Open Eyes]

That is a lot of change for her to adjust to. Maybe the lemonade was just a symbol,
a lot got taken away from her, her dad, her mother has someone new, and her old home as well as the little family she grew up with. Was she an only child? Because that is even harder. Thirteenish when she had so much change to face including her becoming a young woman, wow that is a lot for her.

My daughter had friends that had parents that were divorcing, actually several friends. And sometimes they would come here and their overall feeling was, "They didn't love me enough to consider my feelings, no, I was not important". It isn't what you give her as accomodations now, she is confused and angry and feels betrayed and she is very angry inside.

You should try to locate a therapist that is good at dealing with this kind of situation.
Your daughter needs someone to talk to where she can get her feelings out and thats not going to be you, even it wasn't your fault. So that is what you need to do for her, do some research and find a therapist. Your daughter might not be receptive at first, so don't tell her visit with the therapist yourself first, without your daughter knowing. That way you can also see if the therapist would be a good match for your daughter personality wise.

No one likes forced life changes.

Open Eyes