[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

He's given me hardly any reason not to trust him. Unless you count whe we were dating about 3 weeks and I caught him checking out 2 servers using the reflection on the window next to me... Or unless you count the song that he wrote about his ex girlfriend 3 months into our relationship... The first song he EVER wrote and it ended up being about the girl he said he never was able to get over before me... Or if you count the fact that he had 2 females... One of which he had past sexual relations in his room sitting on his bed with him and another female a couple weeks into our relationship... Something he was honest about... Not honest about his relations with her until after that fact though...

Other than those moments we have had a wonderful 2 years together coming up on October 13th. He's been incredible always coming to my work to bring me food and take cig breaks with me. He spends so much time with me. We have a VERY healthy sex life... Maybe too healthy for 2 years of dating... But I can't get over my trust issues. I see he's added 2 new females to his facebook. One is a buddies girlfriend... The other I can not tell. He changed his picture from a pic of me and him to a pic of him...

Our relationship isn't rocky it's great. I love him and believe he loves me but when him and ANY other female are brought up in the same sentence my blood boils. It doesn't help that we are in a small town and he hasn't had the most innocent past before me. These girls used to love to approach him with wide arms every time we went out. They eventually got the hint.

I can't seem to get past the old things that had me upset. He called off our engagement. He said he had wanted it since February. We got engaged the beginning of August and he called it off about 3 weeks ago saying it was because of my trust. We were arguing a lot. We don't talk about getting married any more

With him taking back his desire to marry me, I think it's made the trust that much worse. I don't know how to control it. How to contain it and what to do! Please help I don't want to push him even further but I always feel like I'm just killing time here waiting for him to move on to the next one. Like he's ready to leave at any given moment. How do I stop the feelings and thoughts?

He tore my heart apart breaking up the engagement. He doesn't know that. I thought we were perfect together. We would be perfect together. We are always so compatible... Agreeing on everything. Then one day he doesn't want to marry me any more. Some days I get "In 20 years we are going to do this" and other days I get "When you get older and buy a house... Then when I buy my house..."

Ugh!!! So confused and pained over this I just don't know what to do. If he called it off does that mean it's off forever?

How do I trust him when in reality he hasn't given me much reason not to trust him?!

I hate my thoughts sometimes!

[likewater]

So sorry, Purpleflyingmonkeys, i dont know what to tell you. Has he given you anu reason lately not to trust him? I, personally, would be uncomfortable if my boyfriend was sitting and talking with women on his bed. Our ages are a lot different than yours, i'm guessing too. He entertains in family room. He' s 56. I also trust him. If we have a hot waitress, it wouldn' t bother me if he checked her out, but i haven' t seen him do this.

If we were engaged and he broke off engagement, i' d be very hurt. It' s also hurtful for your boyfriend to take the picture of ypu as a couple of his facebook page and replace it with one of himself. I tji.k that' s hurtful and suspicious. Would he be willing to go to couples counseling? Because, it' s crummy of him to be crossing boundaries like sitting on beds with other women etc and then blame the whole thing on you saying you have " trust" issues.

[alwaysrejoice]

Isn't it great how men can do something totally wrong and somehow make it your fault? I wouldnt go out of my way to try to get him back...sounds like you'll end up apologizing for something you didnt even do.

[Leed]

I don't think the relationship is THAT great when you have trust issues. He HAS given you plenty of reason in the past to NOT trust him. What has he done to earn you trust BACK? It doesn't sound like that concerns him much.

I don't think I'd WANT to marry this guy. He sounds pretty childish & full of himself. If he has to continually have females around him, then he isn't ready to settle down with one woman. Find someone who DESERVES you --- this guy doesn't. Best of luck & God bless. Hugs, Lee

Don't stay in denial thinking this was a good relationship. Any relationship where he appears to not respect you enough to keep girls off of his bed and where you constantly do not trust him, is NOT a good relationship. Hate to tell you this, but he has probably done the right thing for you both in breaking off this relationship. Time to move on.

[lad007]

I disagree with most of the above posts. Men look, that is how their brains are wired, they are visual. Most of them do it a little more discretely, but they all do it. You have to get that, if you are going to be married. Also, who he talks to on facebook should be his business, privacy is important in marriage also.
About the women sitting on his bed, he is not married to you, so you really do not have a say. A lot of men feel that until they are married they can have other relationships-I know this is an unpopular view to a woman but it is the truth.
You'll have to stop being so insecure if you want to be married, or you are going to be miserable. So work on that, and good luck. I bet if you can show you have changed and are not always bringing things up like him looking at a waitress he'll ask you again.
Just pick today as the day you will start trusting him and stop looking for evidence to contradict that. If you get the urge to check email, ask questions about where he has been, etc. say STOP to yourself. He will notice.

[shezbut]

(((PFM)))

I'm sorry that you're realllllly struggling emotionally. It sounds like you have a very low self-esteem. I have a super-low sense of self-esteem myself, so I really can understand what you're explaining. In my experience, no one can bring your self-esteem up. Even when you're bf acts as though he's completely devoted to you, you will always Q the reality of his behavior.

Been there, done that too many times. I *wish* that I could be rid of the sick tendency. Especially when I recognize that others suffer due to my refusal to accept their compliments/beliefs towards me. It takes time and me being willing to work on the issue.

I feel as though we're twins! Gentle hugs to you PFM...

Shez