 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
|
#1
Oct 15, 2011, 09:50 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Is starting to make me uncomfortable... He's starting to say some partially negative things about my boyfriend to me... Like "f*** him" and "he's not the friend I thought he was" all the while sending me messages saying I will be his agent with wink faces. Asking if I can do him all these favors and saying words like "stunning" to me and such. It upsets my boyfriend but he trusts me. I don't know what to do...
I;'m terrible at rejecting people. It's a fear thing. It hasn't gone over well in the past, telling people no.. I hate when men touch me, but I have no courage to tell them no... I try and I quickly run away but I have no backbone to verbally stand up for myself.. I don't know what to do or if I posted this in the right spot... But I wish his friend would leave me alone... He's not my friend, I don't wish to be friends with him, especially like that. I love my boyfriend. I don't want to be bothered with anyone else... eck...
__________________
I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you. 
|
|
#2
Oct 15, 2011, 10:35 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
If you're having trouble saying no, maybe your boyfriend should step in and stick up for you. It's his friend after all.
|
 PurpleFlyingMonkeys
|
|
#3
Oct 16, 2011, 08:56 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Could you practice saying "no" - anticipating that this person will ask again?
Without making excuses/reasons? Just say "I can't". You don't have to give your reasons. |
| PurpleFlyingMonkeys
|
|
#4
Oct 17, 2011, 02:09 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
PFM., [sorry large print ] . You posted this a couple days ago. Your mood thing says "hot" ( take that as being bothered ). . From what you descibed, I will guess the age bracket is between 16 and maybe 20 years old. [ you and those that you speak of ]. . Sounds as if this other friend person that is dissing your bf , is playing ya. Trying to find a *chink* in your armour. . But what you say here is that you already have one. I hate when men touch me, but I have no courage to tell them no... I try and I quickly run away but I have no backbone to verbally stand up for myself.. . Not to say doom and gloom here. But your BF saying he trusts you , and you feeling an inability to say no, [ as another said already, your bf should stand-up. ] . I want to say something that might not exactly sound supportive at first read , But, Maybe build that verbal backbone and say NO to everybody that suppresses your feeling/thoughts of courage. . btw, hope you come back to this post and reply to those that have read and given you encouragement. :-) . Specialeffects Se. |
| PurpleFlyingMonkeys
|
|
#5
Oct 17, 2011, 05:26 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
How about saying "stop"? You do have a right to your own body regardless of what anyone else has trained you to believe. Your bf's friend sounds like a real worm and would avoid being around him.
__________________
NuckingFutz, National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD National Dom Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE  
|
| PurpleFlyingMonkeys
|
|
#6
Oct 17, 2011, 06:55 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Thanks for all of the replies! I was talking to my boyfriend about my concerns with his friend yesterday. I am honest and upfront with him about everything so it wasn't anything he hadn't heard me say before. He's been ignoring his friends calls lately, I think it may be because of this, it's been getting more frequent (ignoring the calls) the more his friend bugs me. I don't want to be the cause of a friendship ending because they have been friends for a long time. And I get that his friend is upset because he just got out of a long term relationship and seeing my boyfriend and myself always happy he's made many comments about "you two never fight do you?" and of course we do but he's not around. I think he's just upset about his girlfriend but it's kind of crossing the line, I'm his friends girlfriend. I told my boyfriend I didn't want to mess up the friendship so he says "what friendship?" then goes on to say "there's obviously no friendship if he's acting like this". So did not want that to happen!
Rose, thank you for the advice. I do need to learn to say no more. I'm terrible at it, in all cases. It just wasn't a word in my household that was used and I guess that effects other aspects of my life now. I've thought about just saying no to almost everything so it will make things easier when I need to say no but I haven't been able to come up with the strength to even do that yet. I'm a coward. But I will try again, maybe small steps. Like telling the girls at work that always try to get me to stay late so they can come in late, maybe I will tell them no today. But I don't want to sound like the b**** in the office for saying no... Ugh it's frustrating. Thank you for your reply special. My mood was updated a few weeks ago when I was fuming about my daughters father. He's nuts and was making me especially irate that day. All 3 of us are 25. I've been needing to work on saying no to other people but it's rather difficult. I've had a few experiences where saying "no" turned into a blackout and it's over the time made me afraid of the word. I'd give $100 to homeless person if he just asked for it and I had it, even if that were all I had. Part of it comes from the fact that I do want to please everyone but when it's something I do not feel comfortable or safe with, then I start to fear the word no. Most of the time I avoid, ignore or run from the threat.. Example... A guy at work that irritates the heck out of me. He's never on time, he never does his job (which in turn effects my job majorly) and he lies and tries to con me all the time. He's one of my least favorite people at this place. And to top it off he likes to pinch my side or put his arm around my waist and things like that when he walks up from behind me. So I look at him pull away and walk away. I just can't say the word "no" and it's starting to get to be a problem because he wont stop doing it. Body language people. If I walk away from you when you touch me, it means don't touch me! But some people do not understand that somehow! Thank you Nuking! You're right about everything you said! I'm not fond of his friend in the slightest way now and have no desire to be around him. Before he was funny. His ex girlfriend and I were friends and we all would go out together at least 3 nights a week. Now I would rather he just stay gone. I guess it doesn't help that the guy started doing "roxies" after he and his girlfriend broke up. It's made him that much less trustworthy and given my boyfriend even more reason not to want to be around him. Hopefully he's serious when he said those things about not wanting to be friends with him any longer. Now the problem is saying no to everyone else, like the guy at my work. But at my work... New management came in and now it's a little scary. There are robberies going on and all kinds of sketchy things going on with our employees here but the new management is related to them so they aren't losing their jobs after helping steal purses and such here. Saying no to these employees is a little more frightening than this twiggy guy strung out on Roxies. I have to do something though...
__________________
I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
|
|
#7
Oct 17, 2011, 01:03 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
|
| PurpleFlyingMonkeys
|
| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
