Why do Men/Guys do that!?

Yeah u are right! I haven't had any good and long lasting experience with guys, its always sour in the end.

At the risk of playing the devil's advocate, what is the common denominator in all your relationships? When my relationships went south, the problem was always me. And I never blamed them...of course it was generally me breaking it off.

Were any of your relationships at all pleasurable? Surely they couldn't have been all bad. I had some very good relationships which ultimately ended simply because it was not a good time in my life or because they fizzled out or because I realized they were not right for me, despite their (often) many attractive qualities. I just have a hard time believing that all your relationships ended poorly solely because of the other persons (men). The tango involves two people.

Aaah the finger is pointing towards myself now well, yeah i've done blunders too... I become emotionally attached and then cling on to the guy,and when i feel he doesnt like me much or is ignoring me..i try to break it off by telling him repeatedly that im leaving. Naturally the guy insists on staying. But the spark dies.

But in this particular case, although i've acted immature But i've also let him know that i value his friendship and so i've gave him time! But Now he's backing off and when i demand an explanation he always has excuses at ready.

Thank you for not overreacting. I'm not at all trying to be a nosey parker but rather to understand your situation. I think it is through reading others' posts that we can also gain insight into our own lives, so sure, there's a selfish element to it, but also a very real desire to understand and help, if possible. If nothing else, you have my ear.

I'm reexamining my life at the moment, trying to see where I went wrong (and right) in my relationships, so obviously your post has got me thinking. I think we try to say that guys are X and girls are Y but so many things are purely situational that it's hard to really distill those kind of truisms. But if we go looking for them, we surely can find them. I'm pulling for you to have a good, healthy, democratic relationship next time around, without any guessing about intentions. Good luck.

I'm still trying to figure out what went wrong on my last "starting" relationship; when communication stops, I think guys just can't express their feelings, or plain don't want to feel pressured to; just isn't fair to not have closure for the woman. I think the men I've met are immature with their emotions; and pull away from being too understood; whatever --- I just want one who is emotionally available, high energy and wants to have fun;I'm done with psychological battles and unknowns, lies and manipulation. Grrr

Thankyou gullas

Tohelpafriend: i feel for you. I want such a man too who'll be there for me when i need him,both emotionally and physically. N i be there for him too.

Another thing that i've experienced. A guy doesnt give the girl he Claims he likes, enough time to heal from ANY sort of trauma she had so that she can love him back. For him its now or never.

It bothers me that you keep saying “A guy does this…” and “A guy does that”. There is not such a thing as The Guy. Why don’t you just talk about your own experiences with guys, instead of unnecessarily generalizing your issues as if they are fundamental, worldwide relationship issues. Because they are not; they are your issues.

I once started a similarly titled thread, because I was talking about something my husband did that my grandfather had also done a lot. Namely: Brushing off someone else's suggestion and solving a problem their own way. Then later, when their way doesn't work, they do it the way the other person suggested--but act as if it was their own bright idea, not the other person's!

Others responded by saying nasty things about women, since I had "started it," and someone tagged my thread "misandry" and "generalizing." Yet I hadn't been trying to bash men, only to find out the reasoning behind a behavior I was seeing in my husband that I had also seen in my grandfather. Was it more commonly a male thing to do? Well, I thought so, but I didn't mean any harm in saying it. In the end, I asked moderators to delete my thread so I wouldn't be flamed any worse.

Given this experience, my advice is to ask specific questions about what a specific person does, and not attribute it to "guys."

I didnt mean to offend anybody. Sorry.

jiakhan: Thanks for that; I really appreciate it that you replied to my post. It just doesn't seem as though such men exist; wondering if it's just a fantasy of mine. I still think definitely "most" men feel above and somehow entitled from accountability in relationships...I've seen it over and over....yet I know there is justice even in love and the actions of love; so if I keep on loving, it'll come back to me in a waterfall, this I know. Peace, "tohelp,,,,"

@stronger man: im 'you' in my case. I have told him that we're good friends and i value his friendship. But as im not available for a romantic relationship, he's bailing out. He shouldnt have made excuses. I agree when u said why does it have to come down to an all or nothing situation.

men do have several behavioral traits in common, especially in their attitudes toward women; facts bear out more physical, sexual and emotional abuse is perpetrated against women by men than by women against men. Check the violent crime statistics state by state...how many domestic violence shelters for men exist? All the horrors in my life have been caused by men.

Tohelpafriend: thanks for writing back
i think there is also something seriously wrong going on with me also, be it bipolar or depression or whatever it might be' there are mistakes on my part aswell ,BUT things go wrong even when im trying to make it work. Argh.

It seems to me that yes, there are behavior traits more common to one gender than to the other. That works both ways. It's just that I don't think it's helpful to exhibit an anti-male attitude in response.

A good many horrors in my life have also been caused by men, but the women have not been innocent. In my experience, while men have been more violent, women have been more subtle in their putdowns and gaslighting.

Why don't we discuss the particular behavior of particular family members or partners, and get support that way?

Jiakhan, in any relationship, nobody is ever completely the one at fault, and nobody is ever completely free of fault. If you have flaws (which everyone does) or even a major illness that causes behavior problems, it doesn't give another person the right to mistreat you. The best thing for you to do, though, is work on yourself, and if the relationship is causing you more damage than benefit, take care of yourself by ending it. Best wishes, and if you believe, God bless. (If you don't, just ignore that part. )

I can relate to that, but I don't know what it means. Tonight after a few
group chats, I got the impression about my reactions that I had such a strong desire to be loved, I couldn't break this co-dependent thing, or coming across as needy or enabling. We all want to be loved for our uniqueness. I'm worried that I have these toxic memories from past relationships that did not last, that I have to face up to my own mistakes, however, I also know we react out of our past, childhood schemas, or schema modes and may get caught in cycles of attracting the wrong people. I'm just tired of trying. I hope you are OK and work through your issues. Peace, "tohelp.."