[cook32263]

I need some advice dealing with my girlfriends past. Breaking up with her is not an option. We have a 7 month old girl and I need helping getting over it. It is my problem and not hers. Thoughts of my girlfriends sexual past which I think is very promiscous creeps into my mind every now and than and it is killing me. She is not the same girl as she used to be but her past is disgusting to me. I don't know what to do.

[ACanthony]

Cook- As a 27 year old guy who has dated several types of girls, both those that were very pure and those that weren't so pure, I know where you are coming from. For this issue, you have to look internally. Was there anything you did in the past that you regretted? Were you ashamed about certain things in your past? It is just that though: the past. It sounds like your girlfriend has changed into a different person (or so it seems like). So just let it go. It's in the past. She is a human being and although in this particular case promiscuity may seem like a dirty habit, I'm sure she lead that kind of lifestyle for a reason and all she wanted was to feel loved just like all of us do. So be kind to your girlfriend especially for your kid's sake. It is your child's mother and she deserves the utmost respect. Instead of trying to make her perfect, forgive her for her downfalls and love her as is. What's past is in the past. And just because she may not have had a great past doesn't mean she doesn't have a bright future. Like I said, don't try to wish that she were perfect. Instead, try to be the best that YOU can be and be a good influence on your girlfriend. You can't change her but if you act the right way yourself, she will see that and take notice. Good luck to you, my friend.

[Flooded]

I had a boyfriend who was a right ***** in his previous life but once I realised it was my insecurity that got in the way, and I dealt with it, all was good.

Hello, cook32263. Did you know about your friend's past before you got her pregnant?

[OurLadysTears]

In a perfect world, sex would only exist after marriage. Unfortunately, we are curious creatures and feel the need to explore others both sexually, mentally, and even sometimes spiritually. Often times these escapades teach us a lot about ourselves, our wants/desires and we also learn a lot from other people. It is understandable that you may have trouble accepting the fact that your girlfriend and the mother to your child had an intimate past with other men, but you have to consider your own past as well. Would either of you have come together if your past didn't shape you into the people you are today? Would you have created such a beautiful child? I'm sure she doesn't even give much thought to her past encounters as you are doing now. If you want to keep and protect the family that you have now, you have to let the past be the past, otherwise you're ruining the potential for a great future.

[turquoisesea]

cook, if this girl really has changed you may have to either find a way to work past this in your mind, or to understand it. Sex and lovemaking and everything can be very different for different people and for different relationships. It may not be the same, and might not mean the same thing as a true relationship with someone. So as disgusting as it is you can still have something special with this girl and this past does not need to touch you, too

[Perfecto]

I know where you are coming from I felt similar to how you have been feeling, which it is called retroactive jealousy. I managed to overcome the negative feelings I was getting but it took some work. I get the odd bouts now and again but the feeling is not that strong as they used to be. Its her past and thats where it should be left but easier said than done. Give it some time and you will see that it becomes easier to cope, you need to do something to keep you occupied. A good book I read called the Power of Now was a good self motivator.
My main problem was that even though my partner wasnt that promiscious its the fact I have had hardly much experience with the opposite sex and released it was more my issue.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Originally Posted by cook32263

I need some advice dealing with my girlfriends past. Breaking up with her is not an option. We have a 7 month old girl and I need helping getting over it. It is my problem and not hers. Thoughts of my girlfriends sexual past which I think is very promiscous creeps into my mind every now and than and it is killing me. She is not the same girl as she used to be but her past is disgusting to me. I don't know what to do.

We all come with a past cook, whether it is boring, promiscuous, criminal, or any one of a number of things. Each time the thoughts come up, try taking a deep breath, and push the thoughts away as you exhale. Don't know if it will work for you, but it kept me married for a long time.

Blessings

[RomanSunburn]

What has helped me when I struggle with getting stuck in the past is remembering that who that person is today is because of the experiences in the past. Maybe if they hadn't done those things, they wouldn't have become the person I love and cherish today. It's going to take work, and you're going to have to really want to change the way you think about her past (which is a lot harder than it sounds...), but it is definitely worth it if you truly love her and value your relationship with her.

[littlebitlost]

IMO, this is *you* projecting your insecurities onto this poor girl. If you are disgusted by someone you should RUN. Run a mile and don't stop running.

In my experience men will persecute a woman for her past forever, if they know about it. Man up and forgive and forget it all, and move on, or bail before you hurt her.

Men always whinge that they want sexually liberated women, as a gender, but when they finally get one, they have a problem with her past and make her feel like a slut for merely HAVING a past.

[dana12345]

hope you get throw this

I sense some hypocrisy here. Date the lady because of her past. Feel trapped by the pregnancy. She is unworthy of you because of her past.

Did not see anything in your post about loving her or your child.

[aveda12]

My boyfriend used to hold my past against me and I've never even slept with anyone but him. It was because I was his first girlfriend while he was my sixth boyfriend.

Believe me, it hurts a lot when the person you're in a relationship with doesn't trust you. It hurts when you know you're not doing anything wrong and especially when you have never given him a reason to doubt you.

My boyfriend has realized it was just him being insecure and taking it out on me. Try to get past it if you really care about the girl and the baby. Have more faith in yourself and your relationship if you want to get through this.