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#1
Feb 22, 2011, 05:15 AM
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So I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and 3 months and we are on the verge of breaking up because I can't seem to stop blaming him for things such as cheating.There are no signs of him cheating on me or anything but im always worried of getting hurt because I have been hurt in a past relationship.If I dont stop now he said we are done for good because he can't be with someone who blames him for stuff.How do I stop being so paranoid about him cheating on me when there are no signs or anything?
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#2
Feb 22, 2011, 07:32 AM
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Hello, A.jean. Is professional help an option for you?
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#3
Feb 22, 2011, 08:38 AM
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Yes, see if you can find a therapist or counselor. That way you can find where all these feelings are coming from. Its your perception and not reality. ......thinking of you this morning!. Sometimes we just gotta trust!!
__________________
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich The road to hell is paved with good intentions. "And psychology has once again proved itself the doofus of the sciences" Sheldon Cooper 
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#4
Feb 22, 2011, 10:36 AM
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If he's told you he hasn't cheated then you really can't do anything about it. You just have to take his word for it. And you can't change the future either, things can happen. You've just got to try and enjoy what you have now. Apart from this problem, has the relationship worked? Is he good to you?
I would speak to a counsellor about this, if it's something that is affecting your relationship now, then it might affect other relationships in the future, if things don't work out with your current boyfriend.
__________________
"The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion" Albert Camus |
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#5
Feb 22, 2011, 06:15 PM
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He is really good to me but is fed up with me blaming him for stupid stuff.When im not blaming him for cheating on me then everything is good between us but doesnt last long cuz I end up accussing him for something.I have promised him so many times that I would stop and I have yet to do so.
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#6
Feb 22, 2011, 07:01 PM
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And i would feel embarrassed talking to a counselor in person about this
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#7
Feb 22, 2011, 07:45 PM
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#8
Feb 22, 2011, 08:02 PM
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A.jean, would you feel more embarrassed talking to a counselor in person about it than you would if your boyfriend left you over it?
This is not healthy, and you need to stop for yourself, but you also need to stop because your partner(s) don't deserve this treatment. How would you feel if he were constantly accusing you, nothing you did could convince him otherwise, and his excuse for why he wouldn't get help is that he would be embarrassed. Your boyfriend feels a lot worse than embarrassed when you accuse him; if he is willing to go through that time and again for you, can't you go through a bit of embarrassment for him? (Not to mention yourself.) |
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#9
Feb 22, 2011, 11:46 PM
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I totally get what your saying and it would be really hard dating someone like me.And he is going to Vegas this weekend and so much stuff is running through my mind of what could happen when he is there.I really wish I would stop being so paranoid.
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#10
Feb 23, 2011, 07:00 AM
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I am glad I found this post because I feel the same way at times. I used to be real bad with my thoughts about my girlfirend cheating and I to was cheated on in the past so you are not alone on feeling this way. Like others have said you have to learn to trust again, he sounds like a great guy and you two have been together for a good amount of time.
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#11
Feb 23, 2011, 01:29 PM
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Just dropping by with a hug A.jean
 It's hard to put past issues ...well, in the past. Humans store things like gigantic file systems...we tend to bring to the front what we have learned..experiences. And those traumatic ones seem to stick stronger..no one likes those feelings ... I kinda found this place recently out of desperation. Where I live has therapists, but I havent found one that deals with a specific issue of porn use. So your posts kinda rang true with me. I, to some degree, believe that my husband no longer uses porn...but he has lost his ~desire~ too. So, when I didn't know about the P, our intimate lives were great...but once found out...downhill...I can't seem to not link the P with how he treated me, and the P has totally destroyed my self-esteem...trust factor pretty much gone. He is so good to me in many ways....but I've never had anything alter me in so many ways. Do your best to find a counselor...as I am...it is costly, and I hate going over my story over and over...yeah its depression, but its the effect not the cause. Just like his P use is not the effect not the cause of what led him there... What do you want him to do? Blessings! |
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#12
Feb 23, 2011, 02:15 PM
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Yeah im looking into seeing a counselor and hopefully it will help or im just gonna try and deal with this on my own and get past it.There is nothing that he can do,he is doing everything right.I think he is always being honest with me but sometimes i question it because of have been hurt and lied to in the past
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#13
Feb 23, 2011, 02:43 PM
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I havent blamed him for anything in the past two days but its so hard.I dont even want him hanging out with other girls and talking to girls behind my back which he says he doesnt because he is with someone.Im always so worried that he is doing something that would hurt me when he is not with me.I feel so dumb for feeling this way
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#14
Nov 10, 2011, 12:30 PM
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A. Jean,
I am new to this site, bear with me please!  You are not the only one that feels this way. This is the exact reason I joined this site today! How are things going in your relationship now? |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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