Lack of Courage to Initiate Contact with the Opposite Sex

I'm not bitter about any of this, but for the purpose of information, let's get the basic facts out of the way: I was raised in an overprotective home without a lot of advantages, I have only had one date in my entire life, I've never had a girlfriend, and I've been repeatedly rejected by members of the opposite sex on the few occasions I have approached.

I also know I have some trust issues that I'm struggling to overcome because I was molested at a very young age by a family member, and I know this has had a direct impact on my ability to pursue relationships.

My score on the Romance Attachment Quiz is 100 Relationship Avoidance, 73 Relationship Anxiety. I've often found myself a scenario where I am happily married for years, only to discovered that my spouse has betrayed my trust by having an affair.

Over time, I've found myself less and less enthralled by and less and less trusting of the opposite sex, and I'm finding very little motivation and courage to approach members of the opposite sex even though I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic, and have always dreamed of marriage and children. But as time goes on, I just wonder if I'll ever be able to connect to a member of the opposite sex in a way that is both trusting and romantic.

I can understand. But the longer you "put off" getting acquainted with the opposite sex, the harder it will be.

Why not get some counseling about the trust issues & anxiety? It probably wouldn't take YEARS of it, but I'm sure it would help you immensely. I've gone thru therapy for years off & on in my adult life, and I'm so glad I did. I'm a stronger & more self-assured than before.

I wish you the very best -- please keep us posted on how you're doing. God bless & take care. Hugs Lee

Hey, guy. You know, you have a couple of options that may well make your task easier. Your task of getting closer to people of the female gender. And the first and most important one is that there's no need at all to start things out in any kind of romantic way.

No. You can start out just by being friendly with girls. Just regular friendly. Girls and women like having just friends as much as us guys do. People to talk to and hang around with. No big deal. Nothing serious. You don't have to worry about selling your soul to them. All you need to do is have fun with them and maybe talk with them about how the world looks to you, what you're doing and what you'd like to do.

Female people are just people too. In their own way. No, they're not entirely like us, but underneath it all most of them are really nice. Very few of them will intentionally hurt you or make you feel bad.

I'll tell you the absolute truth. It took me an awful long time to figure out what I've told you above. I had a lot of brothers and no sisters. Girls and women seemed to me like beings from another planet. Seriously. But then one thing led to another and after quite a number of years of being actually married I finally decided women were just regular people after all.

Girls will laugh their heads off if they read this, because they KNOW they're just people too. But this is the truth. A guy starts out thinking they're weird and incomprehensible. But the more time you spend with them the more normal they seem. They have feelings, just like we do. And they really, no kidding, want to be your friend. They're nice, actually. Nicer than us guys.

So if I were you I wouldn't worry about this all that much. Just be low key and relaxed. Chat with them. Ask them about what they like. Have lunch with them. Tell them about what's close to your heart. Then take it from there. You'll do fine!

Being rejected and becoming less enthralled would not be surprising. Something akin to, "If you will not let me play, I am going to take my ball and go home."

You speak of trust issues? I am sorry for what you endured as a child. Would there be some legitimacy in suggesting you expect women to prove themselves trustworthy, as opposed to believing they are unless proven otherwise? If so, what must a woman do to prove trustworthiness? Is there anything she might do to change your suspicion?

Frankly, I think having a relationship is very important to you. Ygrec23 gave you some good advice.

Is professional help an option?

I have been/was in exactly the same boat with childhood abuse and trust issues, especially with the opposite sex. I would start dating people but get scared when they really started to care about me and I'd run...too scared to let the walls down and too scared to let them in and trust them.
The only helpful thing I can venture to offer is that refining your discernment of who is trustworthy is important. It's not 'trust everyone vs. trust no one'. Some people do not deserve trust, but trust is something that is definitely key in relationships and healing.
Someone once told me that how much we trust others is a reflection of whether we trust ourselves. The more inner peace you have the easier connections and interactions with others will be. It took a good year of therapy for me to get anywhere near something I would call inner peace. Good luck.