[tallica93]

Hey Im new here and need some help or advice.
Im almost 19 years old and have been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half. ive had long term boyfriends in the past and this current one was my best friend and helped me through rough patches in both relationships until we started dating.

he, asw well as my family, is the one person in my life that has never really let me down, except for be late or forget things a couple times which obviously happens to everyone, but i cant trust him. hes never cheated, lied or done anyhtiing to make me think he will but i am absolutely positive that he is going to cheat on me one day even though it makes no sense

every time hes going out with friends or anything i feel like i have to say "dont cheat on me" in kind of a joking manner. i feel like i have to say it to remind him of it and that IF HE DOES he should feel even worse because i even said it to him before he left
i automatically assume its going to happen all the time and it feels like im just waiting for it and crying and grieving over something that hasnt even happened yet

what just happened was that he was out with his friends at a pub which i fdidnt find out about until after work at around 11 30 pm and have freaked out ever since. i have work in the morning and planned on going to sleep ealry but im just obsessing and crying and ended up calling and yelling about him not cheating on me and that he cant etc.

he is so sweet and understanding but obviously this cant go on forever, i cant keep doing this when hes done nothing to deserve it. i know exactly how illogical and unreasonable it is but i cant stop myself and i dont know what to do. i saw a therapist a couple months back which sort of helped issuees with friends etc and all she basically said was that i had to choose to trust people, but it really isnt that easy and i dont want to ruin anything
i really just needed to get this out and i hope someone can help me. i have trust issues with all my friends as well but as of right now i just want to fix things with my boyfriend before i ruin everyhting

[Severijn]

Maybe this is a self-esteem issue. In a way you are sabotaging your relationship.

If you act normal, your boyfriend doesn't sound like he will ever cheat. But if you keep being very suspicious and insecure, he might in the future get fed up with the relationship, and move on or who knows even cheat.

Maybe deep down you feel you don't deserve your boyfriend and then sub-consciously start to sabotage the relationship?

If you don't mention anything about him cheating, I think your relationship has a better future. I think it's better to obsess a little but NOT make is verbal so keep it to yourself. Saying these things about cheating will maybe slowly drive your boyfriend away. If you can, keep it to yourself.

Maybe this is just a phase that will pass in the future. Relationships are full of phases. I hope things work out for you.