[woofwoof]

Hi All!

I've been married for about 4 years now.
I've been trying to convince my husband to get another job.
He's been working on the same job for over 7 years
and he's too scared to change. He said he's not scared and he said he will try to find other opportunity but he never do anything much about it.
We are currently live in hong kong since my husband is from hong kong and he doesn't want to move out from hong kong .
We stayed really close to his family.
His salary is almost half of my salary and It's hard to find a job for me since I don't speak the language but it will be easier for him since he can speak the language and speak english as well.
His salary is considered quite low and he doesn't get salary raised for more than 7 years.
I've been lay off one time because company restructuring and my current company will do lay off too since my current company is loosing money.
We've been arguing a lot since my husband keep promising he will move on but he never do anything about it.
And the other thing why we keep arguing is because our roof apartment keep leaking and cracking. Moreover, every three months there is a fire in our apartment building or the apartment beside us.
My husband doesn't even want to move out but he keep saying he will.
And plus he borrowed money from the bank using our apartment as a guarantee so he can play stock.
Then he's loosing money on stock.
I asked him what is your plan in the future.
He said he just want to wait for stock market to rebounce.
So he's been lying to me about he will move on and everything.
And furthermore he use my saving to invest it on stock and lost.
He convince me that he will earn a lot but he didn't instead he's loosing
I lend him my saving because i thought at least he will want to move on someday
What do you think i should do ?
The more i push him the more he's angry and now he refuse to talk to me

[Perna]

It does not sound like you have the same goals in life and I think you should plan to move out yourself, get another job first and start making plans. It does not sound like you can push your husband to do what you would like done. That happens with other people; they want what they want and if it is different from what we want it cannot work without communication and sharing, give and take.

[JLarissaDragon]

He is probably afraid to venture out and likes the comfort of the status quo even if he has a crappy job. If you cannot make ends meet on your current income, though he probably should try to do better. Maybe you could set a time line with goals. I.e. by such and such time he will have identified and applied for x number of better jobs
I found with my husband that I must address and help him conquer all of his fears and objections to move forward

[woofwoof]

Thanks all for the reply.
I did ask him when he's going to apply for a job and he promise me that he will do it after christmas or after june or after certain time but he never did.
It's he doesn't want to do anything and just expect me to survive by myself in hong kong even i got lay off many times and it's very difficult for me to find a job. Moreover, he really think he's not wrong and he think i don't make sense. He never thought that he's really scared . He think he's a very very brave man compare to other man.
His ego is so big he doesn't dare to do anything
Really I 'm so tired that i need to go through culture shock and dealing my in law that is so demanding and dealing with my husband and loosing a job and probably loosing the place we live.
Sometime i think i cannot handle it anymore

[Severijn]

I think you have to be some kind of mental coach for him to motivate him, but not in an obvious way of course that might be awkward.

But you sound more ambitious that your husband. Perhaps he has beliefs in making quick easy money and that's why he's doing stock-trading. You instead belief in finding a good job and working hard. You seem to have two different personalities and mentalities. It's hard to change that, but maybe you can.