[lostnbroken]

Hi everyone, and thank you in advance for the wonderful advice I know you will all give Here's the thing, I really wanted to vent I guess, because today has been especially crummy. My husband has been totally drunk all day and verbally abusive, which is nothing new really, but today he is worse. I really am tired of his controlling behavior, and the constant criticism, name calling, insults, and just plain verbal abuse. I lost my job recently, so leaving him now is not an option, since I now rely on him to help pay the bills! I did go to see a domestic abuse counselor once, but I was so terrified that he would find out, I never went back. And believe me, he would've found out! He's also terribly mean to my son, who is 18 now, and stays away from home when my husband is home, which kills me emotionally, because my son is all I live for anymore. Does anyone have any suggestions? I've tried talking to him, but he thinks he's always right and makes himself the victim, since I'm "the crazy one" and he has to deal with me every day! I'm just hurting so badly right now and it feels like no one cares. Please give me some reassurance, so I know there is reason to go on like this. Thanks so much

[kaliope]

Well I want to reply but it is not really what you want to hear. You state "Please give me some reassurance, so I know there is reason to go on like this" you have been to a domestic abuse counselor. You know there is not a reason to go on like this. There is no excuse for abuse. None. You are losing your son because of this man. If you didnt think something was wrong you would have never went to see the counselor. My advice is to gather the strength to go back and see the counselor again and develop a plan to remove yourself from the abusive situation for both yourself and your son's sake. I know it is hard and it is scary and even terrifying. But you deserve better.

Take care of yourself.

[JLarissaDragon]

I am so sorry. I know the feeling. Anything you say or do is wrong, and you can try and try, but it is never good enough. I think you really need to see a counselor. If that is not safe, what about a pastor or clergyman. I have found that it really helps to write my thoughts and but then keep them secure. More so is there any way to get your husband to alcoholics anon.? It sounds like he really needs the help. You deserve better than this.

[Yoda]

I was abused and tried to help my partner change. He didn't want to change.

I like this quote: "In my experience, we do not change until we have some kind of awakening to the fact we are going to lose something we are not prepared to live without if we do not change." Ernie Larsen

In my case my partner lost his life rather than change his abusive behaviors.

http://www.csswashtenaw.org/ada/reso...ting_wheel.pdf

You need counseling and a safety plan. http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/safety-planning/

domestic violence hotline 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)

PM me if you want to talk.

[lad007]

I used to live under similar circumstances. I guess it comes down to how you want your life to look. Do you want to live the rest of your life like this? You are in a "can't leave" mode, and it doesn't have to be like this. We have free will, control over our own lives.
I moved to a women's shelter and then on my own, was it scary? You bet, the hardest thing I ever did. It takes a lot of support and courage. And yes, you do take a chance he will come after you. The question is do you want to live in fear in your own home with your husband, or on your own? You will be in fear either way.
There is hope for you, I just spent Thanksgiving with my new husband and daughter and it makes it all worth it when you can live in peace and with joy. You can find that.
But you need the experts to help you, so if you are sick and tired of it and ready for change, contact the domestic violence people again, and go live the joyous life that is waiting for you.

[likewater]

You don't have to live like this. I know you lost your job, but there are resources out there. You need to get out now the sooner you get out , the easier it will be to get a job with help from shelter. Right now, your husband is probably isolating you and tearing you down. I know, i' ve been there. You have to get out before you disappear altogether. Sending you hugs if that's ok. I'm so sorry that youand your son have been abused so. You didnt deserve it.